Infinite Diversity, Infinite Combinations - Scene III

Posted on Fri Mar 11th, 2016 @ 11:18am by Captain Li Hawke

Mission: Further Challenges
Location: Top Of The Station

* Top Of The Station *

The trip up in the turbolift had been made in silence, at least outwardly. Here, with no audience, Sokar had read the turmoil in Li and taken her hand in his. His mental strength was a great help to her - at least it kept the tears at bay….for now. She could sense the storm of pain and anguish that rumbled deep within Sokar as well, though not a hint of it showed on his face. She suspected that the barriers keeping both of them so resolute might break before this was over.

They emerged in the small antechamber and Li crossed to the panel by the single door. She entered the unlock code and the doors parted to reveal four steps. She nodded to Sokar and led the way up. At the top of the steps was a round room, walled completely in windows. The only thing it held was a small bench off to the side. Li stopped in the center, the many trips here with Sakkath playing through her mind.

Sokar understood immediately, still holding her hand as he was. “Your hideaway,” he said, his voice soft. Here was the place his son had been free to give in to the deep, primitive emotions so carefully reined in for Vulcans, free to be open to a Betazoid wife. It was a place both had needed and now he understood part of Li’s predicament.

“It wasn’t natural, you know, for you to close yourself up, to live a more Vulcan existence. You were not made that way, my daughter. Your species is so very far from the world of our logic. With the breaking of the bond to Sakkath, all that you held pent up for so long has begun to emerge. Perhaps that helps you understand what happened to Lt. Darwin.”

“Yes,” Li whispered. “Will he be alright?”

“He will be, but you understand that part of you will always be within him, as you will carry part of him - just as you do with my son. You must be careful to separate the past and the future, Li. You cannot live in either one. The past will not come again, and the future, as we have now seen, may not come at all. You must be in the present. Doing so will not dishonor the memory of anyone.” Li turned sharply, his words surprising her. Before she could ask him to clarify, he raised a hand to silence her. “We must begin.”

She only nodded and they sat cross-legged on the floor, facing each other and close enough that their knees touched.

“This may be painful, my daughter,” Sokar murmured. “For us both.” He reached out and placed his fingers on the sides of her face. Given their previous connection, he had no need to chant the words but simply slipped into her thoughts with no effort. He almost wished he had not. What he had said to Li was true - the past few years of living a more Vulcan lifestyle was telling on her. He saw roiling emotions worthy of the deepest part of a Vulcan soul trapped beneath a thin veneer that she had somehow maintained. He could see the link now and that was the first priority.

She read the thought and drew in a sharp breath. “What do I do?”

“You have to let him go…” Sakkath informed her. They were standing in a bright, dusty landscape that Li recognized as Vulcan.

“Why are we here?” she asked.

“This is where his spirit will return before continuing his journey,” Sokar answered. “He will return to his roots and then he will continue on. You must understand, Li, that his departure does not mean he will forget you. You became a part of him that his spirit will carry with him always, wherever his journey takes him, as you will with him.”

Li nodded as she looked out over the barren landscape. “Where will he go?”

“I have no way to know, but I can tell you he will go where he is meant to go,” Sokar answered. “Just as you will go where you are meant to go. You have to release him so his travels can begin.”

“How?”

Sokar’s voice whispered in her thoughts as the scene around them changed. They were back in her quarters. “Here, on this station, is where you are so tied to him. Everywhere you went, where you lived, you use to hang on. You must go through them and understand that now these places are yours alone. You must not be afraid to look to your own life going forward.”

They were standing in the living room and Sokar pointed to her bedroom door. “There.”

She looked up at Sokar, wanting to tell him that Sakkath was still too alive for her in these rooms, but she knew he understood that, and he was right. With slow, measured steps she entered the bedroom and stood, looking over the room, all the little daily things that spoke of him - clothes in the closet, a candle on the table on his side of the bed he’d used for his meditations, his pillow...he was everywhere in this room. On impulse, she stretched out on the bed for the first time since she’d heard the news. Holding the pillow close, she breathed in his scent. A flare of longing shot up, threatening her control, followed closely by the emptiness of knowing he would never be there at her side again. Resting her hand on his side of the bed, she silently said goodbye.

Finally, she rose and moved on through to the kitchen. She lifted his favorite tea cup, which still smelled of spice tea. Never again would she smell that scent and not think of him but it was a scent only, not him. Everything in these quarters was just….things….not Sakkath. There was no need to fear or avoid them, but she could let them bring good memories.

“What now?”

He turned her to looked back into the living room and could see herself sleeping on the sofa with Max settled next to her holding her hand.

“You cannot let go of the old link until you lose the guilt, Li. You still live and so do those who love you.”

“But I --” Before she could finish her objection, they were back in the room atop the station. In the vision, she was there alone and she could feel the emptiness. She understood what it meant and now her tears began to flow. Sakkath’s presence was there suddenly, surrounding her, brushing her thoughts.

“You were supposed to stay,” she whispered. The sense of him grew stronger only for a moment, then it began to fade. She reached out mentally, trying her best to hold on and then, she understood. Here was where she and Sakkath had had been together as their truest selves. It was here that she had to let go. Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and forced herself to pull back. His presence grew more faint and with it came a sense of regret but also a strong sense of hope. She knew he was moving on down whatever path was meant for him.

“Goodbye…” she whispered. The chaos of pain and loss within Li began to subside. “I did it,” she said to Sokar, who had reappeared in the vision. She turned to look up at him and now she saw a single tear slip down his cheek. Reaching out, she wiped it gently away, even as her own continued to flow. He took hold of her shoulders, then pulled her into a tight embrace.

“You did. Now...brace yourself my daughter,” he warned.

“For?”

“What I told you earlier was the truth. Your self-imposed reserve was a result of life with my son, something you did for him out of love. You cannot maintain it. You have to give in and be who you are. You have to embrace life and those in it. Do not carry the guilt with you because you are still here. Do not deny your emotions.”

“But I….” The past years flew through her thoughts and she realized he was right. As she watched, she saw herself become more and more outwardly distant, showing what she felt to no one. The one vivid contradiction to that was the trip to Eden. With Oz, Darwin and Suresh, she had opened up once more, been the outgoing, emotional woman she used to be. “I see,” she said finally. “I think I am ready…”

“Very well.” Sokar took a moment to prepare himself as well, and then deep in her mind, he pushed against that thin wall that held the very essence of Li’s Betazoid emotions at bay. In an instant it shattered and the tidal wave of unbridled emotion and desire crashed over him as it flooded through Li. He broke the meld immediately before it drowned him or worse, threatened to crack his own walls of emotional restraint. “We are done.”

She didn’t hear him. All she knew was the overwhelming storm of pent-up feeling that she’d denied for so long as it carried her away from the safety of the shore and dropped her into deep water. She began to laugh and it felt so amazingly good, she couldn’t stop. Her soul felt suddenly light and free as it floated high and unfettered. She stood and whirled around, her arms out, then leaned in to kiss Sokar’s cheek.

“Thank you,” she whispered at his ear. “I need to go...to tell someone that I’ll be okay.”

“You will. Find happiness, Li. You deserve it and he would want that as well.”

“I’ll come see you later.”

Sokar nodded. “Go. I would like some time alone here.” Where no one will see.

Li hugged him close and nodded. She understood completely his need for this safe spot. Call me if you need me.

Then she ran down the steps and closed the door behind her.

**************
Captain Li Hawke
Ambassador Sokar