You Can Go Home Again

Posted on Thu Jun 25th, 2015 @ 12:35am by Lieutenant Commander Gaelan Tor & Lieutenant Tobin Ayo

Mission: Further Challenges
Location: The Arboretum

* The Arboretum *

They had entered the Arboretum and immediately Cody was off and running with Adara behind him. Tor watched as the distance between them and her and Tobin increased. Their carefree romping brought a smile to her face and she looked up to Tobin.

"Shall we?"

"Absolutely." He studied Tor, now that they were alone, and noted the tension around her eyes. He'd seen it in her before her departure from DS15 too, though then it had been worse and she'd almost been jumping at shadows. He had not pressed her then, even though he'd wanted to - it wasn't his place anymore. Or at least it hadn't been then, but now? He had no idea where things stood but he suspected he was about to get some answers. He offered his arm out of habit and after a slight hesitation, Tor slipped her hand through it and they began to walk.

"First, I owe you a big apology." That was the safest place to start for her. "My disappearance had nothing to do with you at all, I promise. It's just that I needed the space and it was better if no one there knew where I was. I know you were worried and I am truly sorry."

Tobin didn't like the sound of that much but he didn't push. It was better to let her do this in her own way as he sensed it was something very difficult. It had to be to make her take off without a word.

"Alright," he replied. He slowed their pace as they skirted the open grassy area. "I know you well enough to accept that you had your reasons but you know I will do anything to help if you're having troubles, Gae."

"That's just it." She paused, watching Adara and Cody off in the distance. "You would have and it would have blown up in your face like it did for Fritz and I couldn't have that. I --" she stopped as they neared a small grove of trees. "It's a long story." She was hedging now and that would only make him more curious.

Tobin looked from her to the trees, then led her a little ways in to a large rock. It afforded them some privacy at least. His earlier plan not to push had flown out the window, given what she'd just said. "Sit. And then you and I are going to clear the air, as Adara put it at dinner. This is me, Gae. We've never had any secrets and I get the feeling there are some big ones looming over us now. I don't like it."

"Neither do I." She gave him a long look, then sat on the rock. Her thoughts were a maelstrom of pain and uncertainty suddenly. She knew what his reaction would have been two months ago, but now that some time had passed and the distance from the recent events was vast, she wasn't sure how he would feel. Hurt that she hadn't come to him in the first place, she guessed, as well as rage over what happened. She sighed finally and looked up to the leafy branches spread overhead. "I should start with the simple things first."

"Whatever you'd like," he answered her, his voice soft. What he wanted was to wrap her in his arms and tell her that whatever it was, it didn't matter, but her ramrod straight posture spoke volumes about her stress level. He suspected that his own stress level might be about to go up, based purely on her appearance.

"First, Fritz. I know you're curious and yes, it's over. I know he is upset and tomorrow I am going to call him and deal with the situation. You have to promise me that you won't tell him where I am if you talk to him."

"Done," he answered. "Though I don't expect to talk to him all that often now that I'm not there. Does that help?"

Tor nodded. "Thank you. As for why, there are many reasons but for now, let's just say that it wouldn't have worked. Things happened that would always have tainted the relationship." She found it easier to talk if she wasn't looking at Tobin. He was brilliant and he'd likely figure out things regarding Fritz, once she told him the rest.

Tobin's attention on her was intent, studying her mannerisms, listening to what she said...and what she didn't say. "What things?"

And there it was. The moment of truth for Tor. She didn't need Adara to tell her how Tobin still felt about her and Adara was sure Tor still loved Tobin. She was right, as always.

"Gae?"

"Sorry, just trying to figure out where to start. I need to tell you this and please...don't stop me till I'm done and try to understand why I didn't tell you at the time. Then you can tell me exactly how you feel about all of it and whatever it is, I'll understand."

Tobin nodded, though her words had him feeling extremely uneasy now. "Fair enough."

A sudden hollowness engulfed Tor. The old, persistent fear that once Tobin knew he would want nothing to do with her resurfaced. She took a deep breath, reminding herself that was Marsh talking, not reality. Finally she took another deep breath and began to talk. The words started slow and halting but soon, the dam broke and they spilled forth from her in a torrent. She couldn't have stopped if she'd wanted to.

* * *

Tobin felt physically sick and fought down the urge to lose his dinner. He was at a complete loss for words but the rage on Tor's behalf, for what that monster had done, and the anguish he felt at not being her support when she needed him was overwhelming. She had finally wound down and now stood, her back to him and hugging a tree, watching Cody as he chased his ball. He wanted to move to her side, to pull her close, but the narrow expanse of grass felt like a chasm. She seemed utterly alone, unreachable.

"Gae," he whispered and closed his eyes as she flinched.

"Go ahead, Tobin. Tell me. If you can't look at me anymore, please! Tell me! So I can go....somewhere...anywhere....away...."

Go? Oh hell no. That one word spurred him into action and he closed the distance between them. It occurred to him that touching her from behind would be a mistake so he purposely circled around and stopped, facing her.

"I never want to look at anyone but you," he whispered. "Fritz was right, none of it was your fault. You are not to blame for Marsh's sickness. I wish I had known what was happening. I would have ended it." He knew, however, that she was right not to tell him. He would have stopped Marsh, but likely at the cost of his career and, like Fritz, the shadow would have remained between them. "I understand why you didn't come to me then. Will you now?"
He opened his arms but he knew that she had to be the one to take that step. All he could do was hope she trusted him enough to do it.

Tor stood motionless, taking in the man before her. He was safe, she knew that. He had sworn so many times to protect her and she knew he would. She had known him all her life and loved him for as long as she could remember. Things just kept getting in the way it seemed. But that was over and done with and she was here to make a new life for herself. She also knew that she had to take a step soon or she might be stuck in the quicksand of her fear forever. It would take some time, of course but maybe....just maybe....

Her grip on the tree loosened and she looked up, into his eyes and read there everything she needed to know. There was no disgust, no loathing, no avoidance, only hope. She bit her lip and finally forced her feet to move. Before she realized it, she was wrapped tight in his arms and with her tears came the feeling that she had, finally, come home.

**************
Lt. Commander Gaelan Tor
Lt. Tobin Ayo
Step One