This Is Not A Prank...Honest!

Posted on Sat Oct 3rd, 2015 @ 12:24am by Commander Louie Rousseau & Cadet Senior Grade Eli Ziyad & Cadet Senior Grade Chance Conradi & Ignatius Reilly

Mission: Further Challenges
Location: Academy Dean's Office

On their way to meet the new Dean of the Academy, Eli and Chance drew quite a bit of attention. Station personnel and cadets were accustomed to seeing either Chance or Eli with Iggy as a passenger. They were not accustomed to seeing an additional three larger-than-average spiders on the boys' shoulders.

That and Iggy was crowing to those she could reach: Come meet my babies! Two of them are talking already! Much like Bella in the Pit, Iggy was a celebrity everywhere she went - everyone knew of her.

"Iggs? Could you...," Chance stopped as yet another classmate came over to check out the new spiders. "Yeah, just a few weeks old. Ariadne, Kahuna, Gilroy, Jr. Yup, named for the Admiral and Lt. Gilroy. Nope, two girls, Ariadne and Gilroy, and a boy, Kahuna." He answered the questions everyone asked right off the bat.

Finally they reached the Academy offices and Eli stopped them outside. “You think one of us should go in first and warn whoever’s in there? Chance? You’re good at that sort of thing.”

"And leave you holding four gargantuan spiders?" Chance looked askance at Eli. "Two in the hands? Two on the shoulders?" He laughed, even as he passed a spider to Eli. Maybe Iggy could ride in on my back and hide?" He started to reach for Gilroy, but the spider shifted around to his back, where he couldn't reach her. "Oh. Or Gilroy can. Okay, be right back."

Eli began to laugh as Chance turned and straightened his jacket. “No good can come of this,” he muttered.

Taking a deep breath, Chance entered the Dean's office. "Sir? You asked to see Eli Ziyad and me, Chance Conradi? We're here and we have some additional visitors I should warn you about."

Louie looked up from his viewscreen as Chance entered from the outer office. “Mr. Conradi. Welcome. I’m Lt. Commander Louie Rousseau, the new Dean. Where is Cadet Ziyad? And who are these friends?”

"He's just outside. Our friends are... They can be a little alarming the first time you meet them. They're ...um ...they're spiders. Intelligent, sentient spiders." Chance smiled.

Louie blinked at Chance, then a slow smile spread across his face. “Really Cadet? On the first day? I suppose a prank is to be expected but perhaps making a good impression might be better?” Despite his somewhat stern words, amusement glittered in his eyes.

Chance winced. "Sorry, Dean Rousseau, this isn't a prank. Has no one told you about Ignatius Reilly-Zeferino? The CSEC's former pet? About yay-big?" He held out his hands a foot or more apart.

“I’ve read most of the Fleet crew’s info but I hadn’t gotten to the civilians yet,” Louie answered. “Wait, pet? Explain. Then get Ziyad in here.”

Eli, just come in. The Dean thinks it’s a prank! Chance nodded. "Ignatius is a Goliath Tarantula, a Terran species. She got hit by a smart stick and is now... well, smart. And she just had babies.” He didn't realize it, but Gilroy was making her way over his shoulder. Her red-tipped tarsi and banded knees made her noticeable.

Louie saw the beginnings of the spiderling and yelped in surprise. “Umm...Cadet Conradi? There’s….your shoulder…” He motioned to Chance’s shoulder as the office door opened again.

Chance glanced at his shoulder and nodded, "Dean Rousseau, meet Gilroy, Jr., one of Iggy's children." To his surprise, the spiderling lifted a leg and waved at the Dean. "Um. Oh. And," he looked behind him at Eli. "This Cadet Ziyad with Iggy and her other two, Ariadne and Kahuna."

Hello, Dean Rousseau, Iggy greeted the man.

“Iggy.” Louie nodded to the most massive spider he’d ever seen. “And children.” He looked now at Eli. “Cadet Ziyad, I’m Lt. Commander Louie Rousseau. It’s a pleasure to meet...all of you.” His gaze moved back to Iggy. “Sometime, Iggy, I’d love to hear how all this came about.”

"Iggy is in some of our classes, Dean. She's curious and annoying" (Hey! Iggy protested.) "but she's actually a decent student. Except she doesn't understand Schroedinger's cat." Chance laughed and lifted Iggy from Eli's shoulder.

It is good to meet you, Dean Rousseau. Perhaps we could have a beer and a cockroach together? The Big Kahuna has a certain brew that I like: he calls it Founder's Dirty Bastard.

Louie had to laugh but quickly stopped himself. “The beer maybe. I’ll pass on the cockroach… and I can’t believe those words just came out of my mouth.” He shook his head. “I’ll be sure to look at your records, Iggy. Now, sit cadets. I have a few things I want to go over.”

Chance, careful that Gilroy was still on his shoulder, took a seat. "By the way, Iggy sometimes calls Admiral Wegener the Big Kahuna. Kahuna there is named after him."

“I see.” Louie cleared his throat and wondered what day two in this academy was going to be like. “Now then, from your records I see that you, Cadet Ziyad, have opted for Intelligence. Commander Nalas has given you a glowing report on your work with them. What about you, Cadet Conradi? I note some time in Command with the XO. Is that what you’re leaning towards?”

"Yes, Command comes naturally," Chance joked. "Although I might go through Security or Intel first."

I would like to go into Command as well, Iggy chimed in.

Louie’s lips twitched as he fought back a smile.The youngling they’d referred to as Ariadne had scooted along Eli’s shoulder and now she stroked the side of his neck. “Well, you are nearing the time when you should put some serious thought into your chosen department. We’ll need to know by the end of this year.”

"Yes sir, I'll think hard about choosing a department," Chance said. He startled slightly when Gilroy clicked her fangs near his ear. The sound wasn't loud enough for the others to hear though Iggy did shift to look at her offspring. "What courses will you teach this semester?"

"I’ll get to that in a few minutes. First, I want to hear about your trip to Enara and then what happened after.” Louie looked from one to the other.

“I was lured there,” Eli answered. Kh’ali, the CDO, has been working on this since I arrived and was granted asylum. They finally agreed to a pardon and insisted I come home to make it official. It was a lie,” he said bitterly. “We ended up being hunted through the caverns and barely escaping. Iggy was with us. That’s the nutshell version.”

“I see.” Louie nodded and made a few notes on his padd. “And what happened after you got home?”

Chance glanced at Eli and frowned slightly. "Ah... We... well, I'm part-Vulcan and my first ...um--"

Oh, spit it out, Chance! This sudden shyness is unusual for Chance. He had a disease: pon farr, they called it. Eli cured it, Iggy spoke up. While I was tending to my brood, they were taking care of each other.

Chance felt hot and was deeply red. "Yeah, that's what happened, Dean."

Louie gave in to the urge to face palm at that bit of information. “That’s not what I meant, gentlemen. I was referring to the incident at Kaleidoscope.”

It was Eli’s turn to blush a deep red and he looked at Chance. “Tell him.”

"Oh. Oh, that. That's much easier to talk about. Eli nearly died. We went to Kaleidoscope with a couple of friends and Eli was exposed to something, Felodesine, that nearly killed him," Chance told him. "The docs saved him."

“I see that the investigation is ongoing. Given that, I’ve requested that Security have a detail down here at all times while you two are present and they will remain until this is settled.” He paused as the baby they’d called Kahuna began to creep across his desk in his direction. “I understand you’re both...all three due back in classes after the weekend?”

Eli nodded. “We requested some time off when we returned from Enara for….you know….but we’ll be here bright and early.”

“Good enough. Are you performing this weekend? If so, I’ll try to get there and catch the show.”

“I am,” Eli answered. “If you want to come, let me know. Jackson is away so you can use his table.”

“Thank you.” Louie watched the young spider crawl onto the surface of his padd. It beeped and Kahuna jumped. Carefully, he reached over and lifted it off and back to the desk. “Cadet Conradi, I must commend you on your quick action in Kaleidoscope. Well done. Now then you asked about me. I will be taking one section in the Intel area. It was my field when I taught at the Academy. If you’re curious, I started teaching there in 2275 and retired in 2291.”

Kahuna continued his march forward towards Louie. Chance saw him and raised a brow, wondering who would act first: Louie, Iggy or him. He cast a look at Eli, 2291? Did he spend some time in a stasis unit?

We'll look him up when we leave here, Eli sent back.

From Chance's lap, Iggy crossed the span to Louie's desk and crept across it quickly to sweep Kahuna back towards Chance and Eli. My apologies. Chance, I will need daycare for the children. I cannot take them to class!

"Ah. Oh." Chance recalled how hard it was for Oz to find a teacher for Iggy - and she was just one spider. "We'll work on that."

Louie held out his hand towards Iggy and Kahuna. “Allow me.”

Kahuna raced towards the outstretched hand and up the man's sleeve. Iggy was slower to follow. I am a handful, came a thought from Kahuna.

Louie had started to say something and froze with his mouth open. He watched Kahuna a moment and finally looked to Iggy. “He just ‘spoke’ to me. He said ‘I am a handful’. How cool is that?”

Iggy chuffed and tapped on the desk with her two front legs. He spoke again! Gilroy is the only one to not speak yet.

"Very cool, Dean Rousseau," Chance agreed.

Louie held the small spider up and examined him closely. “Perhaps she just hasn’t had anything to say yet,” Louie observed. “Where are you all off to now?”

“We were just taking the babies home from science,” Eli replied. “And going to look you up too, sir. No offense.”

Louie laughed. “None taken. You’ll find plenty. You can leave this one here if you like. I’m catching up on reports so I’ll be here a while.”

"Leave...?"

He will be no trouble and has been fed recently. He will need a meal tomorrow. Will you bring him home this evening?, Ignatius asked, filling her role as concerned mom.

“These gentlemen can come pick him up, Iggy. How’s that?” Louie asked.

That works for me.

Chance had to avoid rolling his eyes. Just because it worked for Iggy didn't mean it worked for them. "Yeah, we'll do that." He thought that maybe it was time for Iggy to go home to Oralia for a while. "We'll let you get to your reports, Sir." Chance stood, again being careful not to dislodge Gilroy, Jr.

“Enjoy your weekend, gentlemen. If I decide to leave early, I’ll drop Kahuna off and save you a trip.” Louie nodded to the two cadets.

Eli stood too. “Good evening, sir.” He checked to make sure Ariadne was still perched on his shoulder, then held his hands out for Iggy.

Consider the beer and snack, Dean. Perhaps we could take little Kahuna to meet his namesake and have a beer with him. With the Big Kahuna, not ...no beer for the little one. Iggy spoke as she stepped into Eli's hands.

Chance was already at the door. "I'll see you in a while, Sir."

“Enjoy your evening. All of you.” Louie smiled as they filed out of his office. Once it was quiet again, he settled little Kahuna on his desk. “How about I read you this report? Might get you more used to the talking thing.”

*******************
Lt. Commander Louie Rousseau
Meeting The Students...And Then Some

Cadet Chance Conradi
Cadet Eli Ziyad
Spider Carriers

Ignatius J. Reilly-Zeferino
Ariadne
Kahuna
Gilroy, Jr.
Zeferino Spider Clan