First Cautious Steps

Posted on Sun Mar 6th, 2016 @ 12:59pm by Captain Li Hawke & Maxym Balasz
Edited on on Sun Mar 6th, 2016 @ 3:54pm

Mission: Further Challenges
Location: XO's Quarters / VIP Quarters

* XO’s Quarters *

Once Darwin departed, Li sat on the sofa, watching the doors. Quiet had descended around her following the visitors and she leaned her head back, closing her eyes, thinking about Darwin’s reassignment. She hoped he would suffer no ill effects from all this. That train of thought brought the previous hours with Max to mind and the torrent of emotions she had flooded into his mind. Following on that thought was was she had seen in his head when she had pulled out his secret. It was a secret she’d shared once upon a time and now he knew.

She rubbed her eyes and wondered what time it was. Time to eat was the reply from her stomach as it growled. Maybe she should get up and eat, then…..the doors opened, interrupting the thought.

“Welcome back,” she murmured. “Did you get a proper cross-examination from those two?”

“Actually, not really,” he said. Both are concerned about you and about leaving you with a stranger... ‘Stranger Danger?’ - The human, Darwin, had that thought. Mostly, though, Suresh wanted to give you two a minute alone.

Li smiled for a moment. I see. Darwin tried to tempt me before he left. Her smiled faded now. “He is a trifle jealous, and that’s not like him.”

“Trifle?” Maxym laughed. You didn’t see how I hurried in here and locked the door behind me? He’s not happy that I’m here and he’s not. I don’t think he’d be happy if he were here and I was here, too. But you think that’s not like him?

Li shook her head, then rose and crossed to take Max’s hand. No, it’s not. He’s known here for not being all that interested in long-term entanglements and being jealous of someone I share a long past and plenty of secrets with….very much unlike Darwin. Especially since he and I have never been more than friends.

Maybe he was pining away in secret. Oh...wait, that was me. He laughed and kissed her hand.

And me too. She smiled up at him. Why didn’t we say anything? Why were we afraid to buck the status quo?

Status quo. That’s exactly why. We’re bound by tradition and all of that. Perhaps our children’s generation will break free from that entirely. I, for one, won’t make a match for my kid while they’re still in diapers.

Agreed. There’s no way to know who they will grow up to be or who they will desire. Are you staying tonight? she asked.

“I can,” he nodded. “How about I take the couch and you take the guest room?”

Now it was Li’s turn to kiss Max’s hand. “Sure but I don’t know that I’ll be able to sleep anytime soon. Besides, with you here, we have a lot of catching up to do.” And some things to decide I think.

All in due time, Li. I’m not going anywhere and there are things you need to settle, he said. I do need some beauty sleep, though. We could go back to my guest quarters. Perhaps stop at the medical center on the way and get a sleeping draught?

“Instead of here?” She considered that, then nodded. “We should have dinner when we get there though. Wait, they haven’t moved you to your regular ambassadorial quarters yet?” Her mind dropped instantly into XO mode.

“I also have duties as Menna Avaarax’s companion until she decides to return to Betazed. It doesn’t look like that will be anytime soon: her granddaughter - excuse me, her son’s daughter - is off on some survey and no one can tell me how long she’ll be gone. Menna is aggravated about that. Mostly because she wants to block the girl’s marriage. So, long story short: I’m staying in guest quarters because they’re right next to Menna’s. It’s better than being in Ambassadorial quarters and having to make the trek to Menna’s every morning, noon and night. The quarters are, at least, VIP guest quarters.”

“I need to get a few things first.” She let go of his hand and slipped off to the bedroom. She was only gone a few minutes. She stopped at the bedroom door, however, and stood looking back in. The chaos and blinding pain in her mind had subsided, largely due to finally unloading it to Max and giving voice to the hurt and anger. Now, it seemed a little easier to tolerate this room. “I think I’m ready,” she said.

He knew she wasn’t, not for anything big, but nodded and they left her quarters.

* VIP Guest Quarters *

“This close, Menna doesn’t bother with the comms. She just reaches out and taps me,” Max tapped his temple and rolled his eyes. “She might tap you, too. And she might not be real pleased you’re here.” He led her into the quarters. “There’s a second bedroom you can take. I think they weren’t sure which set of rooms Grax Madhava would choose to stay in.”

Li stopped and raised her eyebrows as she looked back at Max. “Menna...will have an issue with me…” she repeated slowly. A spike of anger rose in her in a flash. “After all I went through with Rhys...alright I give up. Why?”

Max’s brows went up as he caught her thoughts. “Oh... not because of Rhys, sorry, no. More because of your dad and his penchant for not keeping it within the species. Or, more specifically, within the families. I think her age is getting to her and she’s getting more and more... well... daft.”

“I see.” The rationale didn’t settle Li’s ire regarding the matter. “Perhaps I followed in his footsteps with a Vulcan. Does she know about your feelings, Max?”

Max winced. “Li, I’m sorry, let’s not talk about Menna right now. And my feelings have nothing to do with this. It’s really a reaction to her son’s daughter, Reva; you might know her: part Orion, part Betazoid? According to Menna, she’s all trouble, though I haven’t met her yet.”

“I do know her. I’m the one who picked her for this survey mission.” Li wondered for a moment just how much of the true nature of that mission he’d picked up accidentally in her head. “She’s good or I wouldn’t have sent her.”

“Of course she’s good; she’s Fleet. So was her dad. And I didn’t pick up enough about that survey mission, apparently. Is it not just a normal survey flight? Go out, scan the stars or test out a new component and come back?” He held up a hand, “Don’t tell me. It’s super secret Fleet business, I’m sure.” He pulled her a little closer. “Let’s just enjoy these... dumplings?... and get to bed, Li. We’ll talk about our days as kids.”

She slipped her arms around his waist as he pulled her in. “Food, definitely. Then…..” She fell silent, feeling him in her thoughts again as he had been earlier and welcoming it. “Time to get comfortable. Besides, here no one will be looking for me or interrupt us.”

He nodded, though he thought of Menna and the likelihood that she would interrupt them, at some point. Hopefully not before morning, though. “I’ll put dinner on the table.”

“Certainly.” When Max began to unpack dinner, she tapped the panel by the door. “I have set it to ‘do not disturb’, XO’s orders. I’m off duty but at least I can still lock a door.” She laughed for a moment, then slipped off her shoes before returning to the table. “I could put you on do not disturb too, if you like.”

“You mean more than my door? When I said that Menna might reach out, I mean mentally, not via the comms. Nothing will help with that, but I like the offer.” He gestured to a seat. “Sit and have dinner, Li.”

She laughed and rested her hand on his shoulder as she passed to her seat. “I meant mentally.” She sat down beside him and began to eat. “At least unreachable by others for a little while.”

This was all he’d hoped for: to have Li know his feelings for her; that she reciprocated... or would if she weren’t grieving her beloved Vulcan, just put him over the moon. But he worried about her and how she was seemingly sliding from one person to the next. “No, I’m okay, Li. We should take whatever we have slowly. You need to resolve your Commander Darwin situation. I don’t want to be between you and him.”

“You won’t be. Darwin and I are friends and as much as I hated to tell him so, I agree with Dad. He needed to be away. You are right too. I needed to stop running and face this head on, see real life and learn to accept where I am now. That doesn’t include long term plans with Darwin. He doesn’t want that and neither do I. One day at a time, yes?”

“Yes. Which might mean that, for a time, we stay out of each other’s heads.” He watched for her reaction. “Besides, with Darwin, you might know that there’s nothing there, but him? He might not have that memo yet.”

“Surely you don’t think so?” Li frowned, and then her attention was on Max. “Can you stay out of my head? Do you really want to?”

“Li, I’m in love with you, have been for years, but now you’re grieving your husband’s death. I don’t think it would be healthy for us to build something with that in the foundation.” He paused and then added, “I know, we have history - we have decades of history. But you had a unique bond and a unique love with Sakkath; you need to have your time to move on from that.”

She nodded slowly. “I know, and I will. There is an old human saying that their god doesn’t close a door without opening a window. Perhaps ours do the same.” She reached out, placing her hand over his. “But I have learned something very valuable. I barely survived Rhys. Then I had three years only with Sakkath when I thought I had a whole lifetime. I have learned that time is fleeting and capricious and we don’t always have ‘someday’.”

“That doesn’t mean you can rush from one thing to the next, Li. I’ll be here, but I don’t want to celebrate and move into your head before Sakkath has even been memorialized.” He’d read that bit in her head.

“I don’t either. He was a great man here and wherever I am, part of him will always be within me. Can you live with that?”

“Everyone we’ve loved or hated becomes part of us. I can live with it,” he nodded.

“That day, on the rock. I almost told you that day too.” She reached out to touch the small latinum leaves he wore around his neck. “If Rhys had not arrived……”

“Our lives would have been completely different. Perhaps equally as wonderful, but different. You would never have known Sakkath’s love and passion; you’ve had other loves as well. So have I. In fact, I have a son... so I wouldn’t change the course of my life even if I was given the chance.”

“Where is he now?” she asked as she began to eat once more. “What happened?”

He sighed and thought of the woman he shared a son with. “I’m not entirely sure, actually. I mean... obviously, I had sex with someone. I liked her and we were dating for a bit. Nothing serious, though. She was easy to be with and then, the same night I received a new assignment, she told me she was pregnant. I thought she’d taken precautions,” he shrugged. “Anyway, I went off on my new assignment; she was going to take care of things. A few years ago, she contacted me and presented a three year old as my son. Ever since, I’ve had a long distance relationship with him.”

“That’s good.” Li didn’t miss the fact that this had all happened about the time she had married Sakkath. She decided not to mention it, however, and took another bite of her dinner. “Where are they?”

“She’s a researcher on a Denobulan medical station in the Beta Quadrant. I was there, helping set up a treaty with one of the local races.”

“My assistant is Denobulan. He’s brilliant.” She reached for her glass and smiled. “They are alright with the long distance thing?” A memory rose now, of two years ago when the time rifts were passing through 900 and Suresh’s hysterical account that the grown daughter of her and Sakkath had been in his cell. His description of her had been chilling. The answer to the question that incident raised had now been answered.

He read that memory and frowned. “I dislike it more than they do. But he has something like six dads and ten co-mothers. To be honest, I never did get all of the lingo for Denobulan relationships down.”

“Kozel explained it to me but it’s still a little hazy for me too.” Li studied Max a moment and nodded. “The time rifts made us all see some interesting things. Like a hundred year old Suresh appearing in my quarters, and the memory you saw. I suppose that explains why our culture frowns on mixing with Vulcans. The offspring could be, as you saw, very dangerous.”

He nodded. “Menna is not aware that I have a mixed species child; I’d rather keep it that way, Li. Who knows, if she finds out, she might think having a part Orion in the family isn’t such a bad thing after all.” Suddenly he laughed. “Menna has a theory that Orions made it to Earth centuries before Vulcans discovered it and that’s why Terrans have stories about evil green witches.”

“I’ve always had great respect for your family, and Menna always treated me as one of her own but if she starts on that, we may have words.” Li laid down her fork, finally full. “But to her credit, she was horrified at what Rhys did and didn’t hesitate to say so. I should see her to pay my respects since she is here.”

“Don’t be surprised if she hints - not so subtly - that our families should join together now, as was originally intended with your marriage to Rhys.” He mimicked Menna’s voice: “How convenient that Maxym has been stationed here for the foreseeable future. Perhaps the wedding plans for Reva and Riley can be used for your wedding instead.” He’d been joking around, but suddenly realized that actually wasn’t such a bad idea; he looked at his food and concentrated on the last dumpling for a moment.

Li watched him in silence, reading the thoughts as easily as breathing. Finally, she reached out to touch his face. “Maybe we’ll have our own day instead,” she said.

“Perhaps. When you’re ready,” he agreed.

“His father will be here tomorrow,” Li said then, changing the subject. “It’s going to be difficult. But in the end, it will take care of some important things.”

“Good. And the memorial? Is that the day after he arrives?”

“Yes.” Li toyed with her silverware as she tried to put thought into words. “I am of two minds about that. I am not looking forward to it, but it’s important for all of us. But, I’ll be glad when it is done so I can start to move on. That sounds awful to think that way….is it?”

“I can’t answer that, Li. I think it’s all very personal to you - you’ll grieve how you need to grieve. But if looking forward to moving on means that you’re just burying it? Then that’s not the way to go.”

“I know he would take the logical approach. Vulcans see it as only another step in a long journey and would not understand locking oneself away simply because the Vulcan I loved has taken that next step.” She laid the fork aside and laced her fingers together. “Dad said once that living with a Vulcan had given me very Vulcan-like tendencies, making me far less Betazoid. I think he was right.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” Max noted. “His influence will fade, though. Probably. We all adopt and adapt to the habits of those we love.” He stood and cleared the empty plates. “How about bed? Could you sleep now?”

“I think so. It’s been a crazy night, hasn’t it?” She rose and stepped into his path as he returned from the kitchen. “Crazy but good. I needed it.”

He almost sidestepped her, but instead hugged her. “It’ll get better.”

“In time,” she agreed. She settled in against Max, his familiar scent bringing comfort.

*****************
Captain Li Hawke
Beginning To Find Peace

Maxym Balazs
Beginning To Look To The Future