Gilroy and His Counsel

Posted on Sat Mar 26th, 2016 @ 3:57pm by Lieutenant Raj Amani & Lieutenant Commander Gilroy
Edited on on Wed Apr 13th, 2016 @ 9:20pm

Mission: Further Challenges
Location: Counselor Amani's Office

* Counselor Amani’s Office *

“Who’s next Cela?” Raj called out from the inner office.

“Commander Gilroy,” she answered. “His appointment is in five. His file is in the padd on your desk.”

“Thanks.” Raj reached for the padd on his way to the replicator. He requested coffee, looking over the padd as the coffee materialized. He sipped it on the way back to his desk, still reading. The details that interested him were regarding the rescue mission of the assimilated away team and the death of Sakkath. He lowered the mug to his desk and continued to read as he waited for Gilroy’s arrival.

Several minutes later, having said his greetings to Cela and gaining access to Raj’s office, Gilroy walked into Raj’s office and stopped, looking at each chair in turn. After a long moment, he stepped further into the room and took a seat. “Counselor,” he nodded in greeting. “Where do you want to start?”

“Would you care for coffee or anything before we start?” Raj asked. He moved from behind his desk and sat down in the chair to Gilroy’s right, padd in hand.

“I’ll get it,” he stood and ordered a tartly sweet drink before returning to the chair.

Raj sipped his own coffee then began. “I should inform you that I do record these sessions as long as you have no objections. It’s for my own use, so that I can refer back to them as needed. Is that agreeable?”

Gilroy nodded.

“Good.” Raj studied Gilroy for a moment. “We can start wherever you would like. That rescue mission was a difficult one for all concerned.”

“That’s an understatement, Raj,” Gilroy grumbled. “Did you know Darwin has developed a relationship with Li Hawke?”

That was news to Raj and he bit back a smile, recognizing the news for what it was, even though it concerned him,

“I see. And while that is interesting, it’s not exactly our place to discuss it.” He wondered if Robin knew. “We are here for you. We’ll start with an easy question. How have you settled in since your return?”

He thought about how he’d woken Kai nearly every night since he’d come back; the few nights he hadn’t woken her, he’d told her he would sleep in his own quarters - and then he’d walked the decks those nights. “I’ve settled in just fine, I suppose. All things considered. I watched him get shot and there wasn’t a damned thing I could do about it.”

Raj nodded. “You’ve just said something very important there, Gilroy - that there wasn’t a damned thing you could do. You said the words but do you really believe them?”

“I could have shot Iggy. I could have shot the Marine. I should have done anything but let them get a shot off. Or I should have gotten in the line of fire.” He nodded. “Anything but let Sakkath get shot.”

“First, keep in mind that such feelings are normal among survivors,” Raj noted gently. “But when you really look at the situation, which I suspect you’ve done a lot, was any of those options really possible? We tend to see memories slowed down so we can latch onto every detail, but life is rarely so slow and studied is it? Especially in the situation as it was.”

“The situation as it was...,” Gilroy nodded slowly. It seemed to be his default gesture at the moment. “The situation was bad, all right. Iggy was yelling; we were trying so hard not to hurt her... or the Marine who was holding her.”

“In a war, and make no mistake that’s what it was, you rely on your ingrained instincts. You all knew you were hoping to spare our people as much as possible. But with the Borg, the rules can change from second to second. You can’t read the future, all you can do is deal with the situation as it presents itself. Would you say that’s true?” Raj asked.

“Yes,” Gilroy’s answer was begrudging. “I think Darwin would have been better in this situation. Anyone would have been better.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, Gilroy,” Raj warned. “I think your first instinct is correct, that there was nothing to be done. If you let the memory replay at normal speed, how long was it? A few seconds at most?”

“At most,” Gilroy agreed. “He was alive and then he was gone. He didn’t duck...,” he seemed surprised he’d said that. “I yelled for him to get down... and he didn’t. And the Marine shot him.” He suddenly started quietly crying, something he hadn’t done since the incident had happened. “I couldn’t reach him, Raj. I couldn’t get there.”

Raj held out the box of tissues, regarding Gil with sympathy. “I understand, Gil,” he said softly. “You have to know no one blames you.” What he’d said surprised Raj, however. “He didn’t duck? Why do you think that is?”

Confusion washed over Gilroy’s face and he glanced at Raj. “He didn’t. I don’t know why.” He wasn’t so sure, though; Raj’s question made him wonder whether his memory was true.

Raj sensed the confusion immediately. “Perhaps there just wasn’t time. There could be so many reasons that we can’t really know and don’t matter in the end. With so much chaos ion the scene, you were focused on the targets. That was your duty at that moment.”

“My duty was to retrieve our people without sacrificing any others,” Gilroy countered. “By separating from the others, I failed. I was hoping to recover Ignatius. In the days before, I’d encountered Iggy’s offspring.” He had a hard time thinking of them as ‘children’. “She named one of them after me.” That had mystified him, as well as flattered him. He’d started to like Ignatius more and then... she had been part of the cause of Sakkath’s death.

“She was one of our people,” Raj agreed. “You didn’t sacrifice Sakkath. What is the first thing we are all told, and hear repeated time and again, upon entering Starfleet?”

“All for one, one for all?” He cracked a rare joke and chuckled ruefully.

Raj laughed along with him. “Yes, there is that. But the other is that our chosen careers are never without risk. That applies to everyone from Intel down to the kitchen crews. It’s the risk we all assume when we take the oath. Sakkath would be the last to lay blame, nor would Li. She likely understands better than anyone.”

Gilroy took that in quietly. “I accepted that risk for myself,” he frowned and then continued the thought, “I suppose I haven’t accepted that everyone else accepted that risk for themselves as well.”

“Does that lend a little different perspective?” Raj reached for his mug as he let Gilroy chew on that question.

After a long moment, he shrugged. “We’ll see. I’ll think about it.” And he probably would - during one of his many sleepless nights. “We’ll discuss it again, too.”

“We can, anytime you like. Now a question for you. How are you sleeping?” He hadn’t read Gilroy’s thoughts, but it was one of the usual questions for survivors.

“As well as can be expected,” Gilroy gave him a non-answer. “When I can’t sleep, I go for a walk.”

“I can give you something to help, if you wish, short term. Sometimes, walking and thinking is good, but missing too much sleep will impact your duties. With Oz out recuperating, you are going to need your rest.” Raj laid his padd aside. “And all your wits about you too.”

He didn’t want to take the help, didn’t want to admit he needed it, but Raj was right: with Oralia out and Darwin taking his own time, he needed sleep. “Okay, something light, though. I need to be able to wake up if there’s an issue.”

Raj nodded and reached for his padd. He made a note and sent it on to Robin and to Piper. “That should do, but there’s only enough for four doses. If the sleeplessness continues, we can take other measures. Cela can bring it to your office when it’s ready. My other question for now is this - have you seen Li?”

“I’ve seen her a few times - at the memorial, on the planet with Darwin. She’s been grieving in her own way and I haven’t seen the need to impose on that.”

“Once she is home, perhaps it might be a good idea to speak with her,” Raj suggested. “It might help ease your mind a little.”

He nodded, “I’ll talk with her. We’re done for today?” He was eager to leave; he was done examining this up close.

“For today, yes. I’d like to see you next week so we can see how you’re progressing.” Raj sat forwards in his chair now, facing Gilroy. “On a purely personal note, I’d like to tell you how grateful we all are for what you and the team did. You all did an amazing job in horrific circumstances. Keep that in mind.”

“Thanks,” Gilroy nodded. “Jackson expressed the same sentiment.” He stood. “I’ll make an appointment with Cela.”

“Good deal.” Raj stood and escorted Gilroy to the front office. “Good luck while Oz is out. We can hope things around here remain calm for a little while. You should use Darwin’s example.” Gilroy’s news at the beginning of the session came back to him and he hurried to add to that statement. “By that I mean taking some down time, around your duty hours...not...the other.”

“There are some things I’ll take Darwin’s example and advice on.... Whom to take to bed isn’t one of them,” Gilroy said, expressing his mild disagreement with Darwin’s ways. One might say his disagreement bordered on disgust. “Next time, Raj,” he gave the man a small smile and head out to talk to Cela.

Raj smiled, understanding Gil’s sentiments were a comment on Darwin’s...expansive tastes. He didn’t really want to think about his XO’s personal life, however. He waited until Gilroy was gone, then sent on out to Cela’s desk to give her the instructions for Gil’s sleep aid. Since Gilroy was his last appointment for the day, and it was late afternoon, he told Cela that once she made her delivery, she could go on home. Raj locked up his office and departed for the Nexus - Jan would just be arriving and he could steal a few minutes to see her before her evening started.

*******************
Lt. Raj Amani
The Peaceful Meadow

Lt. Commander Gilroy
Sleepless on the Station

Ensign Cela Bonham
Delivery Girl