Said the Spider to the Fly...

Posted on Thu Jun 21st, 2012 @ 5:13pm by Lieutenant Commander Michael Darwin & Ignatius Reilly
Edited on on Fri Jun 22nd, 2012 @ 11:39am

Mission: Sections of the Delta Quadrant
Location: Oralia Zeferino's Quarters

"Ah... jeez, Oz...," Darwin muttered to himself as he entered his boss's quarters. The place was dark, and surprisingly warm and ...damp. Humid, really. Sticky, certainly. Surely this wasn't how Oralia kept her quarters? The Lieutenant stopped just inside the doorway and called upon the computer to increase the lighting in the room.

As the lights came up, Darwin about jumped out of his own skin, "Ah! Fuck! Shit!" He hit the wall behind him and nearly fell over as he pedaled backwards, sideways along the wall.

Fuck? What does this mean? Iggy crept towards Darwin, ignoring his sudden spike of fear and spasm of clumsiness. No, wait... Oralia has used that word before, usually while she and her mate--

"Woah! Let's not discuss that, Iggy," Darwin had recovered enough that he could cut the spider off before she created an uncomfortable mental image for him. He hadn't been expecting the spider, though she was the reason he was there; he'd thought she'd be safely ensconced in her terrarium. No such luck, obviously. He peered a little closer at Iggy, which was easy, since she was still slowly advancing towards him. "Have you... grown since I last saw you?"

I have not had a molt since last we met. However, I believe that my contact with the Tholian crystal did do something, Iggy answered, lifting one leg so she could see it in her primary eyes. This blue iridescence is new.

"Yeah. Maybe that's it," Darwin wasn't so sure, but... then again, he was talking to a spider. He rubbed his eyes. "Why is it so warm in here?"

Is it warm? Iggy turned to look towards a computer console on the far side of the living area. Oralia set up the computer so that I can control a few things in here while she is away.

Intrigued, Darwin crossed to the console and took a look at it. Images floated on the screen: a roach, a mouse, a light bulb, a rain drop, and some others that Darwin guessed were for temperature, humidity, and... music? He glanced at Iggy. "She left you with a way to turn music on?"

Oh, yes. She also programmed an icon that will read to me.

"Don't tell me: Shakespeare? I think she loves that Gilroy can quote the dead bastard."

I do not know this Shakespeare bastard. Iggy stared at Darwin for a long moment. What the hell are you doing here?

"Excuse me?" Darwin had heard her just fine (he didn't have choice in that regard, since she was in his head), but... her phrasing was downright strange. "Where... um...," he paused then answered, "I'm here because Oz asked me to check in on you, make sure you're here."

Where the hell else would I be?

Again, Darwin paused and simply stared at the arachnid. Sure enough, he could see where patches of her hair had turned an electric blue; the hair shimmered when she shifted in the light. And she was bigger, though, perhaps the increase in size was just his misconception - he wasn't often this close to Iggy, particularly without Oz around. Her size and her very 'spidery-ness' made him nervous; now her use of profanity in simple questions confused him. Was she being hostile? Nothing in her tone sounded hostile, but... how could he really tell when she was so alien?

"Ah... well... I'm not sure where else you would be, though I'm quite aware that you took a trip to Sickbay. And caused a bit of a disturbance."

Fuck. The single word came across loud and clear and, confusingly, with absolutely no inflection.

"Ah...," Darwin took a seat and stared at Iggy. "What's with the foul language?"

Foul language?

"Yeah, the 'fuck' and 'what the hell' or 'where the hell'."

I am merely speaking the way you bi-peds speak.

Suddenly, Darwin was reminded of the last time he'd been around his niece, Amanda. She'd been five years old at the time and had recently started copying those around her. His brother (Amanda's dad) had let slip a bad word and Amanda had parroted the word, loud and clear, for all to hear. Her mother hadn't been amused and his brother hadn't slept in his own bed for three nights after that. He could guess that Oralia's reaction would be roughly the same. "Iggy, those words... um... those words aren't appropriate."

You used them. Doctor Harding taught me 'the hell' phrase.

The human's brows rose slightly. "He taught you? Do you mean that he used the phrase in front of you?"

He saw me and asked, 'What the hell is that?'

Relieved that the Doctor hadn't intentionally taught Iggy the phrase, Darwin briefly closed his eyes and just as quickly reopened them - he didn't want to give Iggy a chance to sneak up on him. "Okay, he used the phrase, but you shouldn't use it. And you shouldn't use the other words that I used."

If the spider could have cast the evil eye on Darwin, she would have. You cannot tell me what to do or not do, she bristled. I will discuss this with Oralia.

"That's a fantastic idea, Iggy," Darwin agreed. "Just don't use those words until you do, okay?"

I will not use them if you will do something for me.

Bargaining? Darwin was surprised, to say the least. "And that is?"

Read to me. The computer does not display the words as it reads. I wish to see what you are reading.

Oz had told him to make sure the spider stayed in her quarters - away from Sickbay, where she'd already caused enough problems in one day. He sighed. At least he'd be doing as ordered. "Deal, Iggy. What am I reading to you?"

Please start with the Spider poem. Iggy scaled the console's side and tapped a spider-shaped icon. The computer beeped, paused, then iterated:

"Will you walk into my parlor?" said the spider to the fly;
"'Tis the prettiest little parlor that ever you may spy.
The way into my parlor is up a winding stair,
And I have many curious things to show when you are there."

"Oh boy," Darwin drolly enthused as he pulled up Mary Howitt's original poem and started reading - a task made slightly more annoying by Iggy, who positioned herself on the console, watching the words as Darwin read them.

_____________________
Lt. Micheal Darwin
Unintentional Teacher and Father Figure

Ignatius
Intentional Student