Those Three Little Words

Posted on Sat Jun 30th, 2012 @ 8:55pm by Cadet Senior Grade Chance Conradi & Cadet Senior Grade Eli Ziyad

Mission: Sections of the Delta Quadrant
Location: Quarters d'Conradi y Ziyad

There was a reason Chance hadn’t gone out to the Nexus this night. Several reasons, actually. The most pressing one was that he was trying to wrap his head around a certain aspect of quantum mechanics. Other things were tangled in there as well: Oralia and her situation with both Connor and Iggy; the break-in into his and Eli’s quarters; the list went on and kept him just distracted enough that the subject matter at hand wasn’t sticking in his brain.

Sighing, he pushed the PADD aside. Hard enough that it slid across the desk and crashed to the floor, hitting just so and breaking into pieces. Great. One more thing to do that’ll distract him from his studies. Chance stared at the mess for a long moment before finally getting down there to pick up the debris.

While he was down there, on his hands and knees, something on the underside of the desk caught his attention. It looked like a former Iggy meal. But Iggy hadn’t been here and, Chance knew, Iggy was far more considerate about where she left her bolus. Leaning forward, he touched the small, fuzzy spot and felt a hard disk under the white stuff.

As Chance made his discovery, the doors slid open and Eli entered, listing a bit to port thanks to a few more Arcturian Fizzes with Norval and Edwards. He stopped to regain his balance, reaching out to lean against the doors. Given his closeness, however, they still had not closed and so Eli just kept leaning until he found himself lying back in the corridor.

“Well hell, that wasn’t supposed to happen.” And he laughed.

Hearing the thump of Eli’s rump hitting the deck, Chance turned and momentarily forgot about the thing under the desk. “Eli?” He moved over to help Eli get back up. “What’s with the gravity issues?”

“Gravity sucks,” he snickered. “Hello gorgeous.” He was almost liquid himself as Chance hauled him to his feet and he swayed. “Oops, Eli’s inertial dampers are offline.”

“Uh-huh... I see that,” Chance grunted as Eli swayed away from him and he hauled Eli’s weight back towards him. “Let’s go put you in bed? Hmm? How’s that sound?”

“Are you coming too?” Eli clutched at Chance’s shoulders and leaned in to kiss him, but missed and kissed air instead.

“Woah... heh, I’ll come along, sure, just to make sure you hit the bed and not the floor.” Chance would laugh about Eli’s condition later, even tease him about it, but right now, he was a little concerned. Being the sober one in the room sucked, he realized. “What have you had tonight?”

“Lemonade to start with but then I got to talking to Norval. Interesting fellow....just full of good advice. We were talking about my parents you see. And he was drinking an Arcturian Fizz, and you know what they are s’posed to do. So I had one and it was...yummy.” He grinned at Chance. “So than I had another one. Then we decided to go pull Edwards away from the Security types and I had ….” he paused, his brow furrowed in concentration as he tried to remember. “Some more.” Eli’s brain might be foggy but his fingers were not, and they had no trouble with the buttons on Chance’s shirt.

“Arcturian Fizz? Are those supposed to get you limp and tipsy?” Obviously they were, since that’s what Eli was presenting as right now. He didn’t fuss when Eli started attempting to undress him; he’d bet dollars to donuts that the minute Eli hit the pillows, he’d be out. Ushering Eli in that direction, Chance chuckled when Eli tugged at his shirt and pulled it off his shoulders.

Eli leaned in and hit the target this time, his lips brushing over Chance’s bare shoulder. “We talked about you.”

Norval, Eric and Eli talking about him... Chance could just imagine some of the things that could have been said. “I hope it was all good,” he commented, steering Eli backwards through his bedroom door. In the process, he returned Eli’s affection by kissing him quickly.

“It was. It started when I told Norval I envy them because no one’s looking at them and disapproving of their choice. I asked if he loved Edwards..,” Eli stopped as they reached the bedroom and began to undress, though not as easily as he’d opened Chance’s shirt. A sudden hesitancy flowed from him to Chance.

Picking up on the hesitancy, Chance misread it: “Here, let me help you with your clothes. I promise I won’t take advantage of you.” He moved closer to pull Eli’s shirt off. “Did Norval answer that question?”

“Yes.” He dropped his hands, letting Chance open his shirt. “Chance, I....that is you can...if you want to.” Norval’s words returned to him, the recommendation to let Chance into his head. “Norval suggested that I...that I let you into my head.”

Stumbling with words wasn’t usual for Eli and it gave Chance pause. He pulled back slightly and looked Eli in the eye; he saw something serious there. Then, in true Zeferino fashion, he smirked and cracked a joke, “I think I just heard you give me permission to take advantage of you in this state.” He reached for the fly on Eli’s pants.

“I did.” He took Chance’s face in his hands and closed his eyes. “Norval is right.” He focused and then, for the first time and thanks to some liquid courage, opened his mind completely to Chance, holding nothing back. He could only hope this didn’t blow up in his face.

Here was the something serious Chance had spied coming straight at him; he couldn’t duck it or make a joke and laugh it off or avoid it by seducing Eli. Instead, Eli’s openness hit him and sucked him in. Physically, his eyes glazed over and his jaw loosened; mentally, he wandered down the garden path and got lost in the sights laid out before him.

Chance now saw first-hand what it had been like for Eli the night a runner had appeared at his house with the warning, saw Eli taking one small bag and sneaking onto a departing freighter, witnessed his arrival at 900. His grip tightened on Eli’s waistband; the fear and trauma washed over him. He wanted to hold Eli, comfort him, tell him everything would be all right. Those emotions and memories moved on.

Now, he could feel, deep down, the hurt Eli had felt at his parent’s reaction to their relationship. And now, he saw the truth of Eli’s feelings for him as well as felt the realization sweep over him. It stole his breath, stripped him bare and left him raw. The two man-boys had skirted around the issue of love before; they’d said the words, acted it out, promised to be there for each other. But this... this rawness, this openness... this love.... Panic welled up in Chance, superseding the happiness and love that was also in him, and he snapped back to himself. “Oh, Eli... Eli... I... That’s... oh boy,” he stuttered before grabbing Eli’s hands and pulling them away from his face. He focused on a physical task: “Let’s put you to bed.”

It wasn’t that he didn’t reciprocate Eli’s feelings. He did, but perhaps not to the level that he’d just felt coming from the Enaran. They were young, having fun, playing at being soulmates and lovers (the lovers part was far from just ‘play’). Could he settle in with Eli for the entire rest of his life? The idea struck a note of terror in his belly, made cold fingers creep along his scrotum. He loved Eli; he liked girls, though, too. Indeed, he couldn’t see staying with anyone without straying for the rest of his life. Would Eli let him have his cake and eat it, too? Or would it be best to break his heart (their hearts) now, in the hopes that they’d both heal at some point and be able to move on? Thoughts tumbled in his head; he knew Eli could read them easily but Chance couldn’t stop thinking them. He knelt to take Eli’s boots off.

“No.” He reached for his shirt, leaving his tux jacket tossed where he’d left it. Hastily he pulled it on. “Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything.” Maybe the time continuum would turn back and erase the last five minutes, maybe..... He slipped the gold studs back into place, closing the tuxedo shirt.

Slightly more dexterous than Eli was at the moment, Chance followed Eli’s fingers and undid everything Eli was doing. “No, don’t. Don’t say that, Eli,” Chance whispered, “I... I just... you know, it’s big. That’s a big... um... It’s just big.” His eloquence utterly failed him.

He seemed unaware that his shirt was open again and he turned towards the bedroom door. “I know. I’ve known I did for some time and was just too afraid to tell you. I should’ve waited. This isn’t the sort of revelation you want to cause fear instead of happiness.” He buried his hands in his hair and sighed. “I need to go for a walk or something.”

The three, or more, Arcturian Fizzes Eli had had earlier gave Chance the upper hand: Eli was easy to push back down onto the bed. “Going for a walk might be a bad idea right now, Eli. That isn’t the sort of revelation you lay on someone without some sort of warning or some sort of ...post mortem... discussion.” Chance’s eloquence was still not up to par just yet. His physical prowess was just fine; he straddled Eli’s lap, effectively pinning the slightly smaller man under him. “I think you’re missing some of what’s in my head, Eli. Maybe we should sleep on this and discuss it tomorrow.”

“Post-mortem? Isn’t that usually when it’s dead?” He tried to get up, but the alcohol had robbed him of his coordination and the fight had gone out of him. Flopping back to the pillows, he didn’t speak this time, not trusting his voice, but went the more direct route.

What am I missing Chance?

“Post mortem, like when we discuss our exam after taking it,” Chance explained. Thinking that Eli was done with trying to get up, he settled onto the mattress next to him, one leg hooked over Eli’s, just in case. “What you’re missing is that fear wasn’t the only thing I felt. Fear is rather strong, but there’s also happiness and love.” He touched Eli’s hair and smiled slightly.

“You are no more afraid than I was to tell you. As for what you wondered, I don’t have an answer for that. I don’t know how I’d feel about it. A woman is something I can’t really compete with and that is something I fear.”

“And a woman can’t compete with you,” Chance slid his hand down to the one part on Eli that most females didn’t have. “It’s not a competition, anyway. It’s just different facets of the same gem.” You’re my gem.

“I didn’t mean to scare you. I probably would have waited still longer but something just...I guess I wanted you to know.” Eli stopped Chance’s hand and raised it to his lips.

“You’re drunk. We’ll blame Norval and the Arcturian Fizzes. Now, you should probably sleep off the effect. I don’t want to know what your head feels like in the morning,” Chance gripped Eli’s neck with one hand and pulled him close for a kiss.

Eli’s kiss was gentle as he returned it, then nodded. “I suppose so.”

Resting next to Eli, Chance waited till Eli’s breathing eased into a regular, soft pattern. He then lifted himself off the bed and went to his own room. He had just one thing he needed to do before falling asleep next to his lover.

As soon as Chance left the room, Eli sat up, listening closely. He was still dressed, though his shirt wasn’t closed. No matter, that could be done once he was out. Silently, he slipped from the bed and peeked through the door. Chance was out of sight. With surprising agility, he made a dash for the door, opened it and slipped through. Once out in the hall, he moved in the direction of the turbolift.

Chance’s task took no more than ten minutes but when he came back to Eli’s room, the bed was already cold. A different panic settled in Chance’s heart and he dashed to the corridor, shouting, “ELI!” in both directions. No answer came back, so Chance did the only thing he could think to do: he went back inside and called his sister.

**********
Cadet 4th Class Eli Ziyad
Finally Open

Cadet 4th Class Chance Conradi
Fully Freaked Out