Don't Irk the Arachnid

Posted on Mon Aug 6th, 2012 @ 7:49am by Cadet Senior Grade Chance Conradi & Ignatius Reilly & Cadet Senior Grade Eli Ziyad

Mission: Sections of the Delta Quadrant
Location: Varies

After his sister’s commcall, Chance had grudgingly gone off to her quarters to get Iggy, the sentient arachnid. He wasn’t thrilled with the idea - even less so once he walked into Oz’s quarters and got a face full of sticky spider silk. “Augh! What the hell!?!” He clawed at the strings on his face and looked around.

Chance! The creator of the silk came out from under Oralia’s couch, the couch that now had spiderwebs haphazardly draped across it. You were not expected.

“Apparently. What have you done, Iggy?” He realized he could see webbing in the doorway to the kitchen and the bedroom. Suddenly he laughed. “Are you punking Oz? Because she left you alone?”

Punking? I do not know that word. Iggy walked slowly closer to Chance. But Oralia should not leave me alone so often.

“You can leave the quarters without her,” he pointed out.

I know. But I wish to spend time with her. She is in pain from losing Connor.

Chance reached down and scooped up the spider. “Yeah, I know. Come on, you can spend tonight and tomorrow with me and Eli. I think we all have the same homework for class, anyway.” Looking back and shaking his head at the spider’s artistry, he laughed and carried her back to Cadet Central.

* * *Eli and Chance’s Quarters* * *

“Eli?” Chance called for his roommate and lover as he entered the quarters. “We have company.”

“One second.” There was a muttered curse from the room they actually used as a bedroom and the sound of feet hitting the floor. “Who is it?”

Ignatius J. Reilly!

“Iggy.” Chance and Iggy answered at the same time. Putting Iggy on the coffee table, Chance went through into the bedroom. “Hey,” he kissed Eli, even as Eli tried to pull clothing on. “Sorry to ruin what would have been a lovely surprise.”

“It happens.” He finished pulling on a pair of shorts and figured that since it was only a spider, it would do. “She here to study?”

“Um, sort of,” Chance quickly preceded Eli into the living room, where he finished the thought, “She’s kinda going to stay here tonight and tomorrow night.”

“Sure, where’s Oz? Hi Iggy.” Eli moved over to offer his hand to the large arachnid.

Shrugging, Oz’s brother replied irritably, “She wouldn’t say, just kept saying she was fine.”

Iggy crawled up onto Eli’s hand and answered his question, Sleeping with Jackson. Hello, Eli. As usual, her ‘voice’ sounded calmly alien.

“What?” Chance was dumbstruck.

Eli coughed, then raised Iggy to his shoulder. “She...what?”

Unsure why they both were confused by her statement, Iggy looked from Eli’s profile to Chance. Was I not broadcasting? Can you hear me now?

“Uh...,” Chance, still dumbfounded, was speechless.

“Loud and clear Iggy, that wasn’t the issue. We were just...surprised.”

Ah. Well, Oralia came home, collected a set of pajamas and went back out. All she could think of was sleeping with Jackson. Despite her cursing lessons, Iggy still hadn’t quite caught on that ‘sleeping with’ was euphemistic for ‘having sex’.

Eli looked at Chance, his eyebrows creeping up towards his hairline. “He’s still in Sickbay last I heard.”

Indeed. Doctor What the Hell Harding made accommodations for Oralia to join Jackson there.

Chance’s brows drew down and his mouth fell open. “Wha... you....” He shook his head, unable to quite find his voice in his shock.

“Are you sure that she wasn't just staying in the room to keep him company tonight? That’s normal when someone’s in sickbay for a while, Iggy.” Eli was surprised yes, but deep down, he mentally crossed his fingers.

Staying in the room to keep him company would involve her sleeping with him, would it not? It is nighttime, when she would normally sleep.

Suddenly Chance burst out laughing. It had clicked for him. “Sleeping! You mean actual sleeping!” He sat down, he was laughing so hard.

The arachnid went silent and still on Eli’s shoulder, a touch of irritation wafting off of her. She’d been laughed at in class and didn’t like it; having Chance laugh at her now... she liked that even less.

“It’s okay Iggs, we just misunderstood is all. Did she happen to say how Jackson is doing?” Eli tried his best not to laugh.

Chance reduced his laughter to giggles and agreed, “Yeah, sorry, Iggy. We thought you meant she’d be having sex with him.”

If I meant that, I would have said that, Iggy archly replied. She did not say anything about Jackson. But I gleaned from her that he was gravely injured but will recover just fine. She is taking Jackson home tomorrow night and cannot leave him alone. Iggy had ‘gleaned’ quite a bit while Oralia was home.

“That’s the last I heard too, well aside from his going home with Oz.” Eli shot a look at Chance.

Shrugging, Chance didn’t know what to say about that. “Boy, she’ll love bringing Jackson home to her quarters, what with all the lovely decorations you provided, Iggy.” He explained to Eli, “Iggy spread webs across the doors and, it seemed, most of the furniture.”

Iggy shuddered slightly; just why was an arachnid mystery. She irked me.

We can clean that up before they get home tomorrow, Eli sent directly to Chance.

Unaware the two males were planning on undoing her skillful weaving, Iggy moved on to a different topic. She tapped one leg against Eli’s bare skin and asked, Do you wish to continue your surprise for Chance and go have sex or shall we start our homework?

Eli’s face turned a deep red and once again he was speechless. Oh shit...

“Ah...,” Chance stood and took Iggy from Eli’s shoulder. He moved her to the desk. “How about you start the homework, Iggster? Eli and I... well... we might just take that first option.”

Very well. Iggy settled on the desk. Chance placed a PADD in front of her then set it up to read her the text of the lesson. To Eli, he gestured with one hand and led him into the bedroom. “Oz and Jackson? In a room together and no chaperone? Sleeping’s gonna be tough.”

“Well they will have nurses in and out all night and from what Ophelia said, he’s still bandaged up pretty well and in a lot of pain.” Eli reached over to close the door. “Chance, does it kinda creep you out that a spider sent us off to have sex?”

“Yeah, it does--” Chance started to answer but was interrupted.

Do not feel strange about it. You bi-peds are strange creatures, fornicating for pleasure, no matter what gender you are with. But I do not mind. Go ahead with your sex. I will do my best to remain quiet. That was Iggy, being magnanimous.

Chance stared at Eli for a moment.

Eli pressed his hand to his eyes. “Now I feel like my mother is watching.”

I am not watching. Through the door, I cannot see you two.

“Yeah... Put some more clothes on, please, Eli. I don’t think ‘fornicating’ will be happening while our guest is here,” Chance pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut. “It’s going to be a long two nights.”

“Well, I can block her you know.” Eli tugged Chance closer. “Just saying...”

“You’re the one who feels like his mom is watching,” Chance countered, though he didn’t resist being pulled closer. “Just sayin’....”

“At least Iggy is still speaking to me. And that doesn’t need an answer Iggy,” Eli called out.

Iggy, versus Eli’s real mother, who hadn’t taken their relationship very well. “Okay, then block her out. I don’t think I can wait two nights.” Chance made his point clear by untying the drawstring on Eli’s shorts and letting them fall to the floor.

“I don’t intend to.”

“Good,” Chance pressed his advantage and pushed Eli onto the bed. Moving quickly, he discarded his own clothing and the two tangled on the bed.

Several quiet minutes passed then the bedroom door snapped open and Iggy crawled into the room. She walked up onto the wall and hung there, looking at the two males. No wonder things in here got so quiet. I thought you might have left through another door.

The door opening distracted Eli, whose thoughts opened back up. When Iggy ‘spoke’ he jumped like he’d been shot and squealed. The squeal turned into a roar as he scrambled for the sheet.

“What?! I didn’t bite...!” Chance, startled by Eli’s sudden vocalizations and scrambling, looked up and saw Iggy on the wall. He, too, jumped and screamed, “Fuck! Iggy!” He threw a pillow at her without thinking.

Seeing the pillow coming her way, Iggy moved - fast - and dashed out the door. Interesting. I was curious how two males would copulate.

“I was interested in seeing it too...without a fucking audience!” Eli yelled. He groaned and fell back on the bed. “I think I might be traumatized. Who in the universe looks up during SEX to see a giant talking spider on the wall??”

“Oz does, I’ll bet,” Chance muttered, starting to recover his humor and normal heartrate.

Only once. She didn’t add that after that ‘once’, Oralia had threatened to partially dismember Iggy - just enough so that the arachnid couldn’t climb walls and hang out behind Connor’s back, watching them. It was an incident Oralia had never told Connor about; he had already had plenty of other reasons to dislike Iggy.

That got a giggle from Chance, though he actually thought the situation was anything but funny. It was either laugh or scream at this point.

Eli muttered a curse. “I’m not laughing here. I think you’re cool Iggy but not enough to share my private parts with.”

No need to share with me. It looked like you were sharing just fine with Chance.

Chance was getting a dose of Eli’s irritation and he sobered up pretty quickly. “Iggy, how far does your awareness extend?”

I do not know. Why?

“It might be time to enlist a different sitter,” Chance whispered to Eli.

Lieutenant Gilroy is back from the planet. He would be interesting to sleep with.

Eli sighed aloud. “No, it’s fine, really. I do not want to screw this up for Oz and Jackson. Just, Iggs, as our temporary roommate, you need to understand the closed door rule.”

It was no longer closed when I approached it.

Chance slapped a hand to his face. “That damned transmitter Oz gave her; it opens doors for her.”

“In that case, if this door is closed, stay away from it. The other bedroom we use for studying so that door stays open. Got it?”

Yes, Eli, Iggy answered, this time sounding more dejected than either Chance or Eli had ever heard her.

“Good, now, back to you, Eli,” Chance deemed the matter settled and was more than happy to go back to where he and Eli had just left off.

__________

Cadet 4th Class Eli Ziyad
Not An Exhibitionist

Cadet 4th Class Chance Conradi
An Ace at Seeing the Humor

Ignatius J. Reilly
Still Learning