I Think I'm Cracking Up

Posted on Thu Dec 13th, 2012 @ 10:06pm by Cadet Senior Grade Eli Ziyad & Lieutenant Commander Robin Swift M.D., PhD

Mission: The Struggle Within
Location: Counselor's Office

* * * Counselor Swift’s Office* * *

“...and I agree, I think it’s a good idea.” Jackson’s words reached Drusilla as the door opened and he and Eli entered. “I’ll wait right here for you.” He squeezed Eli’s shoulder, then took a seat as Eli approached the desk.

“I’m here to see Counselor Swift. Eli Ziyad.”

“Sure thing,” Dupree said as she quickly scanned the appointment list for the day. “It seems that he is free now. Give me one moment to notify him and I’m sure he’ll have you back there soon.” She tapped a quick message to the counselor notifying him of the new patient.

He had been taking the time to have some tea so Drusilla’s message took him by surprise. But he was here to serve. Draining his tea and setting the tea set aside for later, he stood and walked out to the waiting area.

“Mr. Ziyad?” He smiled when the young man stood. “Come with me, please.”

Eli nodded and with a quick glance back to Jackson, who gave him an encouraging smile, he turned to follow Robin into his office. It certainly wasn’t what he expected - far more homey, with non-Starfleet furniture and the smell of tea in the air. He stopped, unsure if he should sit yet.

“Thank you for seeing me, I know it’s short notice and all that.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it all. It’s what I’m here for.” Robin sat and patted the seat next to him. “This one’s for you,” he said. “So, what brings you to see me today?”

Eli sat, resting his elbows on his knees and looked at his hands for several seconds before he met Robin’s gaze.

“It’s about Chance. Cadet Conradi. His death.” Even saying the words twisted him up inside and he took a few breaths to try and settle down. “And some things that have happened since.”

“I see.” Robin had heard about the death of one of their cadets and had even sent counseling staff to see those that may have required their services. He didn’t recall this young man, however. “Would you tell me what sorts of things have happened?”

‘He and I were....we shared quarters but it was...more than that,” he finished lamely. How could he ever describe what he and Chance had been in a few words? It was impossible. “This isn’t about the death of a classmate, Counselor.” His fingers twisted together, and then silently, he lifted a small blob of clay from the table before him, rubbing it gently with his fingers.

It didn’t take a mind-reader to see what he was getting at. “You know, Eli,” he started, “when my husband died it was one of the hardest things that I ever had to deal with. I didn’t think that I would ever be able to move past that single point in time. But I obviously did.” He watched the blob of clay fold over and over in his hands. “And there is no judging in here. Speak your mind.”

Eli nodded briefly. “I loved him. He knew that. We had a bit of a blowup about that but when I came home, he made sure I knew that though the words were hard, it didn’t change what he felt.” Eli wasn’t even looking at the clay in his hands but his fingers continued to work and it appeared they had some purpose other than simply squishing the clay. “The night he was killed, we were together there. He went into the office and I stepped out to the bar for a minute. When I came back, I found him...as he was. I remember calling Sickbay, and security, then I froze. I’m not so sure I’ve unfrozen yet.”

“It’s not easy to move on, especially after something so emotionally traumatic. He was taken from you in a horrible way, unfortunately something that even I as a counselor cannot help you forget without drastic measures.” Robin sat back in the chair to show that he was at ease and open to anything Eli had to say. The atmosphere in the room was set to invite conversation about anything, so he had to match that himself. The wrong body language could send the wrong message to the patient, hindering a potential discovery. “Unfreezing, as you called it, is something that will take time. His death was so recent, Eli, that you cannot expect to be okay with it this soon, no matter how much you wish for it to be true.”

“There’s more.” The ball of clay was beginning to take shape in his hands now. “Something happened earlier. I think....I think I’m hearing him in my thoughts, Counselor.”

“Hmmm,” Robin said. “Interesting. Can you tell me more about this? Are they normal things that you would have heard him say, or no?”

“I was having coffee earlier and there was a man there, in a cloak. I think he was watching. The waitress brought over a note and gave it to me and said it was from him. Then, he was gone. I chased him onto the promenade and found him up on the next level up looking down. He was close enough that I could send thoughts into his head and when I asked who he was, he said ‘Chance’...in my thoughts. At this point, I do not know if he really answered as such or I imagined it.”

“Did you happen to tell anyone from security about this man?” Leaning forward he added, “And what, exactly, did this note say?”

“Oz was there, I passed her on the promenade when I was following him. She has the note.” Eli paused to take a deep breath. “It said: To hell with talking. Actions speak louder than words, right? That’s what he said the morning after I told him I loved him and we had our ...upset. I stayed with a friend that night and came home the next morning. He was waiting for me.” He closed his eyes as the memory came, sharp and sweet and now, sad.

“Did anyone else have knowledge of what he had said to you?”

Eli shook his head. “No. He never said it out loud. He and I spoke often via thoughts.”

“Do you think that this cloaked individual was actually talking to you telepathically? Or could it have been you remembering a conversation with Chance and this cloaked man happened to have caught your attention?” He sat back again. “Now, please don’t take this the wrong way, Eli, I’m simply making alternative suggestions for what may be happening to you. I’m certainly not discounting anything you’ve said. However, sometimes when we make eye contact with someone that may cause the both of you to constantly look at each other, trying to figure out if you know each other or, simply, why you are both looking at each other.”

“I don’t know. I really don’t know.” His dark eyes met Robin’s eyes. “What if he’s just pulling things out of my head? As a joke? Or....hell, I don’t know. What if I imagined it all?”

“And it would be okay if you did, Eli. Imagination, memory, dwelling on someone’s face, remembering a specific time, smells bringing up certain memories...it’s what makes us all humanoid. You may very well have imagined it, but hopefully I can help you with that, to help you figure out what is real and what is imagined.” He put his hand on Eli’s, pausing his manipulation of the clay blob. “Now, tell me, did the communication feel like what you would normally receive from anyone?”

“I..I thought it did but when he answered, what he said shook me up so badly that I remember telling him to leave me alone that he couldn’t be, then I ran off. And went to Jackson. He suggested I see you.” Eli looked down at the clay and then set it on the table before Robin. It was an excellent likeness of Chance’s face.

Robin smiled. “That’s very good work, Eli.” He picked up the clay. “Is that Chance?”

Eli nodded. “He always was a very good subject. I draw and there are some that I did that he said were amazing. So.....lifelike were his words.” He looked at the clay face and stood suddenly. “I should go. I...I’m staying with Vor, one of the other cadets tonight. He thought I might not want to go home just yet. I...can I come again?”

“Absolutely,” Robin said, standing. “But there’s no need to rush, Eli. You’ve not been here that long.” He picked the clay up and handed it to him. “Please, Eli, don’t be afraid to remember him. I know he’s in your mind, and will be forever. But remembering the good times can help lessen the blow from the bad times.”

Eli looked down at the likeness of Chance in his hand and nodded. He felt the sudden sting of tears and wanted to be gone before they came. Crying in front of the Counselor, as easy as talking to him was, was not something Eli intended to allow.

“Thank you.” He turned and hurried from the room, the doors closing behind him.

Robin stood in the now open doorway and watched Eli leave. It was easy to be empathetic, or even sympathetic with him, especially when he’d touched Eli’s hand and the wash of emotion swept over Robin, truly allowing him to have an idea of how the young man felt. “Drusilla,” he called to the Petty Officer, “make sure he gets priority for any appointments, scheduled or unscheduled.”

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Cadet 4th Class Elis ZIyad
It All Keeps Adding Up

Lt. Commander Robin Swift
Having Something In Common