Giving Logic a Chance

Posted on Thu Apr 18th, 2013 @ 2:36pm by Cadet Senior Grade Chance Conradi & Commander Sakkath

While Chance had risen and showered earlier, he’d thought on his bout of anger. Even during his meeting with Li Hawke, he tried to pick apart just what had really been behind it. At a loss to explain it, he wondered what his next move was. It wasn’t like he could take this to one of the counselors; they’d just ask him what he thought and try to make him walk through the emotions again. Even the thought of that made his anger stir. After a long consideration on the matter, he had come to a decision and sent a message to Commander Sakkath, asking for a meeting at the Commander’s convenience.

Sakkath had quirked a brow when the request came through, relieving himself of the Ops station in C&C to a junior officer.

"Deck 10," he announced to the turbolift, but only after instructing the cadet to meet him in his quarters.

Chance was waiting for Sakkath in the hallway and, as the man approached, perked up. “Commander, I appreciate you seeing me like this.”

"It is no trouble, Cadet," the Vulcan intoned as he stepped into his quarters. "Please, make yourself comfortable. Would you care for anything?"

Following him, Chance looked around, curious as a cat. "Just water would be fine, thank you, sir." Making himself comfortable wasn't going to be easy. He started speaking slowly and hesitantly, "Ah... I asked to see you because... well, I've been having some trouble. With emotions. Anger, mostly. Rage. It just crops up and takes on a life of its own." His speed had built till the words nearly tumbled together. "I'm not myself, I can see that in Oz... Oralia's eyes and Eli's."

Sakkath listened in silence as he requested a glass of water, ten degrees Celsius, from the replicator and poured himself a small, stemmed glass of electric blue liquid from the bar.

He took a seat across from Chance, proffering his drink, and paused to consider everything for a moment. In doing so, he pressed steepled fingers to his lips and his emerald eyes peered at the Cadet.

"I did caution them both that you would not immediately be yourself," the Vulcan revealed. "Perhaps it would have been prudent to forbid them from seeing you so soon." He wondered if by doing the two of them some good he had harmed Chance.

That gave Chance a jolt, “Forbid them from seeing me? After you’d just brought me back from the dead?” He knew that was inaccurate and waved a hand and nodded to forestall Sakkath from correcting him. “Not death, maybe, but... oblivion? Something like that. It just feels like I’m out of control. Last night, I was ready to hurt Eli. Really hurt him,” he looked uncomfortable with the thought, “Just to prove a point. It’s like the Hazari is in there... but I shouldn’t say that, he wasn’t really an angry guy. Just a paid killer. Sort of cold and heartless.”

"Did you recognize them immediately?" Sakkath wondered aloud, somewhat rhetorically as he stood and paced towards the portal that looked out onto the starscape of the Delta Quadrant, pausing to idly examine the leaves of an orchid. "Would it have affected your recollections if you had seen them the next morning instead of just then? I cannot know, but then the simple fact that this fal-tor-pan of mine was successful is remarkable in and of itself. Perhaps I should not over-analyze the minutiae of handling the aftermath."

The Vulcan sipped his drink in quiet contemplation as he listened to Chance, quirking a brow when the Cadet detailed both the desire to harm Eli and his characterization of the Hazari. Wordlessly, he returned to a position across from the youth, almost uncomfortably close -- at least for Chance. Sakkath showed no signs of bother.

"How long have you been aware of your Vulcan half?" the Commander queried.

Chance had to think about that and actively look for the memory. “I knew when I was twelve...,” he started then coughed out a laugh that was a combination of surprise, amusement and ruefulness. “Actually, I learned when I was six. Thadeus, my older brother..., um, the one between me and Oz, was teasing me about being ‘adopted’. It’s a thing human kids do to their siblings.” He shrugged as if to say, ‘I don’t get it, so don’t ask me why.’ “I went crying to Mom and she confirmed it, sort of. She told me then that I’m half-Vulcan.”

“And did your heritage or knowledge of it ever cause problems that you can recall?”

“You mean beyond Dad and I having some personality clashes?” He laughed. “Other than some conflicts between us, I’ve always chalked up any other difficulties to just growing up with the Zeferino family. We’re sort of passionate and intense. Though Mom did teach me about Buddhism and zen thinking. That helped during high school and dealing with being a teenager. Have you heard of Buddhism before?”

"Indeed," Sakkath nodded. "It seems the most sensible of your human religions. I find its merits to be quite in line with the teachings of Surak. I wonder if that is why your mother chose to expose you to it. You are aware of the... nature of Vulcan emotions?"

Chance winced, ever so slightly, at the idea of Buddhism as a ‘religion’; his mother had taught him the tenets of it as a philosophy. He let it go, though, in favor of making a joke: “Vulcans have emotions?” Chance managed the question with a straight face but couldn’t keep it; his grin broke through for a moment before he got serious again. “I’m aware of them, a little. I tried researching Vulcan emotions as a teenager, but Vulcans really wrote the guide book on how to keep secrets. I got the gist, though, that Vulcans had a violent streak and adopted Surak’s teachings to overcome that. His teachings are like Buddhism, from what little I’ve read of them.”

He paused then canted his head to the side and asked, “That violent streak? Maybe I’m feeling out of control because of my Vulcan side? Is that what you’re thinking?”

Sakkath chose to ignore the jape. He had heard it and its ilk so many times before that it had lost all of its novelty, but he was not about to chastise what was, for all intents and purposes, a recovering amnesiac. “It is a distinct possibility,” he affirmed Chance’s postulation. “And you are right in your observation that we as a people keep our secrets... though I might choose to word that more simply as our being private,” he admitted, tilting his head to one side and arching a brow. Thankfully, he didn’t really have feelings to hurt, at least not in that regard.

“Our people were as savage and warlike as periods of mankind’s more accessible history might illustrate. Surak’s teachings brought us out of that... but our dedication to peace and to logic only calm the surface of the water, to employ a metaphor,” Sakkath conceded as he stood and began to pace back and forth across the quarters he shared with his wife.

“We feel more deeply than any human ever could. I cannot quantify that,” he said, “but I know the passions of she who is my mate, and what boils in her is many times greater in me. I have learned to control those emotions through decades of training and dedication. You, my young friend, have not. But you were raised human. You express your feelings as you see fit. Perhaps they never needed a lid... only good judgment. Until your thoughts, your memories, your very essence,” Sakkath stressed, “were merged with those of a killer,” he finished plainly, before turning to Chance to observe a response.

Blinking, Chance took in Sakkath’s assessment silently. His thoughts tumbled over each other (A killer... am I now part killer? Could I kill someone? Oz did.... He veered away from that distressing thought and memory) and he was unaware he was squeezing the glass in his hand - until it broke, spilling water and shards of glass over his knee and to the floor. Startled, he started to apologize, “I’m sorry! I....” He stopped. “A lid? Is that what I need to keep this from boiling over? Maybe it’s time I stop being just human,” he conceded.

“You are what you are,” Sakkath admitted, “but if you wish to learn a degree of Vulcan control, I would be edified to instruct you in some meditation techniques that might aid you in subduing any excessive emotional outbursts.”

Edified? Chance felt like he needed a dictionary. But he understood the message: Sakkath would teach him some meditation stuff. Good deal, the young man thought. “I think it’s time I learn what it’s like to be a Vulcan. I’d appreciate lessons from you, Commander. Where do we start and when?” He glanced at his watch. “I’m supposed to go back to Captain Hawke's office in another thirty minutes.”

The Vulcan opened his mouth to reply, but then quirked a brow. “You are meeting with my wife?” he asked, momentarily turning his attention in another direction. The distraction gave him a moment to consider how best to proceed with Chance. Normally, Sakkath chose to meditate in his quarters where he felt most comfortable, but that might not serve the Cadet as well.

“Yeah, she wants me to fill in as her assistant while she finds someone suitable. Also, it’ll work as a rotation for my internship requirement.” He chuckled, sounding very much like his sister for a moment, and shook his head, “I’m not sure she’s quite aware of what she’s hired, but I’ll do my best, as always.”

“That will be a useful undertaking for you, I am sure,” the Commander replied. “Command offers a unique perspective on the operations of a starbase and interacts with each department. One could not ask for a better general learning experience.” Knowing that Chance would be working with Li only reinforced the need to move their meditative practices elsewhere. “Well, it is best you were on your way to her, then. In the meantime, we shall plan to begin tomorrow morning at 0800 on Holodeck 3. Kindly select a venue from the programs database that you find to be ... relaxing.”

Eight am? Chance realized his days of sleeping in were over, at least for one day. “Will do, Commander,” he said as he gathered himself and picked up the pieces of the glass he’d broken. He went first to the recycler, dumping the shards in, then to the door. He paused as the door opened and looked back, somewhat sheepish, “And... thank you.” He owed a lot to Sakkath. His very life.

“Think nothing of it, Cadet,” he replied as he stood from his chair, making his way towards the Operations console in the corner of the living area. “I am satisfied to be of assistance.”

Chance smiled as he left the Commander.

*******
Cadet 2nd Class Chance Conradi
Confused but Getting There

Commander Sakkath
Attempting to Ameliorate Anger