What's In a Name?

Posted on Sat Jun 15th, 2013 @ 7:51pm by Commander Oralia Zeferino & Ignatius Reilly
Edited on on Sun Jun 16th, 2013 @ 2:17pm

Mission: Breaking New Ground

When a love scene appeared to be developing, he bounded up out of his seat and stomped up the aisle to the candy counter for more popcorn, but as he returned to his seat, the two big pink figures were just preparing to kiss.

"They probably have halitosis," Ignatius announced over the heads of the children. "I hate to think of the obscene places that those mouths have doubtlessly been before!"

"You'll have to do something," the candy woman told the manager laconically. "He's worse than ever tonight."

The manager sighed and started down the aisle to where Ignatius was mumbling, "Oh, my God, their tongues are probably all over each other's capped and rotting teeth."

Stopping for a long, silent moment, Ignatius remained still. Finally, she turned, ever so slightly, and used all eight of her eyes to glare across the room at her flatmate. Shuddering suddenly, almost like a dog shaking water from its fur, she waited for Oralia to notice her.

Oz didn't, instead continuing on with stitching together a small cloth item.

Finally, irritated by Oralia's lack of attentiveness, she piped up, This fellow is an awful example of humanity. Why, just why! did you name me after him?

Pausing mid-stitch, Oralia shifted just her eyes to look over at the far-too-large arachnid. Iggy was, by all most people's standards, nightmare-inducing. If she chose to sit on a person's head, her tarsi could easily rest on the person's shoulders; her fangs, at an inch and a half long, caught the light and glistened with potential menace. Well? Oz had waited too long to answer.

"Ah... Well...," she hedged. "Um... it can't really be said that you're the best example of humanity, either, Iggs."

I am not human!

"No. You're Arachnidias, so named by Kh'ali," Oz said, turning to address Iggy fully. The naming of Iggy's unique species, population: one, had come a few days after she'd been rescued from an oddities collector. She had sent Patrick, Vic and Eric a personal thanks and gift for returning Iggy. The gifts had been small only because no gift could adequately convey Oz's relief and happiness at having Iggy brought back.

You named me after a vile fellow who talks during movies! Darwin had taught her long ago that talking during a movie was Bad Manners.

"It's not like I knew you'd turn into a talking sentient being. On a different topic, what are we doing with 'Jeremy'?"

Jerry, Ignatius corrected her.

"Fine, 'Jerry'. Whatever you want to name him. What are we doing with him?"

It was Iggy's turn to hedge: Ah... I am not certain we can do anything with him. You know I tried for the past few weeks to teach him something.

"Yeah. That didn't work well, did it?" Oz knew it hadn't and knew that Iggy had stopped trying to teach her pet tarantula... yes, her sentient tarantula now had a pet tarantula... how to speak or think.

No, no it did not. Iggy shuffled her legs and rubbed one along the top of her head. And it is not going to get better.

"No? I didn't think it would, kiddo. You're not thinking of having him for dinner, are you? Maybe as a snack after mating?"

Ignatius went silent. She had, indeed, been considering just such a thing - the mating, not the eating. Oralia provided sufficient food that she didn't see it necessary to engage in cannibalism.

"Iggs?" Oralia had started back on her needlework.

That will not be possible.

Normally, getting information from Iggy didn't require pulling teeth. Oz shot a look over at the arachnid. "Did you already eat him?"

No! Of course not! She paused, again shuffling her legs. After a significant pause, she seemingly sighed then admitted, I do not know where Jerry is.

"You...? What?! You lost him!?" Oz tossed her needlework aside and launched herself from her chair, quickly patting herself down and running her hands over her hair, afraid of finding the very normal but very large male tarantula somewhere on her. "How could you lose him?"

He... Well, he bit me and I shook my leg to get him off.... When he landed, he took off. Do you know just how fast tarantulas can run?

"Ten miles an hour, yes." Oz was up, looking around the apartment for signs of the tarantula. "How long ago did this happen?"

A few days.

That brought Oz up short. "Really? And you wonder why I named you after a jerk?"