Oz's Yellow Brick Road - Part Two

Posted on Sat Nov 12th, 2011 @ 1:52pm by Jackson Banning V & Commander Oralia Zeferino

Mission: In Our Time of Need
Location: Jackson's Quarters
Timeline: Just Before 'The Shining Blade Of Destruction'

"So the cozyin' up was all an act?" He didn't sound as if he believed it.

Looking very much like she'd been caught, Oz tried to look innocent. Finally, she shrugged one shoulder and said, "My mom used to tell me: 'Gettin' under one helps in gettin' over another'."

"No offense to your Mom, but that's utter bullshit." Jackson's tone was harsh. He sat down across from her, pressing his hands to his forehead and muttered. "You got one man sittin' home eatin' his heart out over you, and another who woulda loved to bring you home and do what he's wanted to do for a long time, instead of sleepin' on the sofa and you were looking for a pick up?"

He'd slept on his sofa and let her take his bed.... Oz had, once again, been thoughtless in so many ways. Her jaw muscles tightened as she realized this and didn't like it - didn't like having been thoughtless and didn't like being called out on it. There were a lot of things happening lately that she didn't like at all.

"Connor and I are done. He walked out; he's made his choice pretty evident, so if he's eatin' his heart out, he's got only one person to blame," she managed to say that without tearing up. She had convinced herself it was all for the best, what with knife-wielding intruders lurking around the base, ready to do harm to those she held dear. Plus, really, she'd grown angry with Connor because of how he'd just left. She'd thought things were fine and then... he was gone.

"As for you...? I ended up naked, in your bed, and my dress is...," she turned her head towards the couch, "...hanging over the arm of that chair. I'm thinking maybe... you...." Her head started to hurt again; this time it was from wondering just what had happened. A flash of a memory hit her: she had stripped that dress off, tried to get Jackson into his bed with her.... The man had an unbelievable ability to resist temptation. She covered her face with her hands. "Oh boy, Jackson, I'm sorry."

He regarded her a long moment, then gave her a sad smile. "You've no idea how much I wanted to give in. Or how long I lay awake out here, talkin' myself out of goin' in after you went to bed. But I didn't want you like that Oz. I coulda been anyone last night and it wouldn't have mattered. With what they gave you, it wouldn't be me you wanted. Just when I was about to give in, your snorin' helped convince me it was for the best that I didn't. And say what you want about Connor, he's far from done." The smile widened finally.

Oz smiled, slightly, thinking that Jackson didn't have the whole picture; she wasn't sure whether anyone had the whole picture. Hers was certainly missing pieces. Uncomfortable discussing Connor with Jackson, she attempted to distract him, "If roles were reversed, I'm not so sure I'd have had the gumption to resist." Over the edge of her coffee mug, she gave him a flirty look.

He raised an eyebrow at her as he considered this. "There's an old Southern sayin' Oz, that you've likely heard. You don't shit where ya eat. In this case, Connor's a man I respect. There's more to it though. Remember what I said to you in my office the day you..." He paused to lick his lips. "I said I didn't wanna get caught in the crossfire, or become a fill-in that's left in the dust when you run home to him. The one who could get really hurt here is me and I'm the only one lookin' out for me. I'll admit though, it pisses me off. Why the hell can't I just stand up, rip off that Mary Poppins dress and drag you back in there? It'd be a lot more fun."

Mary Poppins? The dress isn't that bad, Oz thought, looking down at it. "You're right, of course, you'd be the one hurt the most." She rubbed her forehead and shook her head. "Too bad we can't just...," she looked at him, "...have sex and keep it casual." How had her mother managed to have various boyfriends all at the same time? Was she just running into the two most emotional men in the universe?

"Because it ain't that simple for me. If I didn't care for you at all, sure I could do that. But that's Seyla's territory, not yours. Not that it's hers either really, she's just an example. What I mean is, I don't give a hoot about her and if all I wanted was a quickie, she'd be fine. No strings, nothing. You know exactly where I'm at, Oz, and why that won't work." Well not entirely. But no, it's not that simple. Jackson frowned at the little voice that spoke up in his head.

"I know it isn't simple," she agreed. She finished off the last strawberry and made a decision. "How much have you heard about the attack on Connor?"

"Next to nothin'. Nat said that he's been stabbed and she had to do some emergency surgery. I gathered it was touch and go there for a little while."

"Nat? Would that be the doctor, Natalia Bren?" Oz already knew it was; who else would have done emergency surgery? She decided to ignore the familiar tone in his voice. "Connor was given a warning, aimed at me. The guy who stabbed him said that I have to ease off Security, or else those close to me will be harmed."

"Yeah, that Natalia. I don't suppose that whoever did it thought to be a little more clear, did they?"

"I think that message is pretty clear, particularly combined with the ease with which they hurt Connor," she replied. "And Connor isn't the only one at risk. Chance, you, Li... Iggy. Depending on how they define those I hold dear."

"So, the question is who? Yer obviously crossin' paths with somebody who's not happy about it. Where's Connor now?" Jackson's brain went into business mode, years of past training kicking in.

"I'm... I'm not sure where he is. I'm not exactly keeping tabs on him, you know."

"He's at least bein' guarded right?" Jackson left the table to refill their coffee mugs. If he was honest with himself, it had been a trying night and he was tired from lack of sleep. Add in a sore jaw from last night's fight and Oz sitting at his table. In his quarters. Alone. Becoming a monk was sounding better all the time. Somewhere in the Himalayas. He didn't think they had women there.

At the same time, Oz was having thoughts about following up on her idea of transferring to a ship of all females. It'd make life so much easier. After all, on a ship of no men, she wouldn't be here, in a half-naked man's apartment, watching him as he blithely moved about. "Of course I have officers guarding him," she sounded slightly irritated. "But I'm not keeping personal watch over him." That would be too painful, thank you very much.

"Are you really free Oz?" He turned and passed her mug back. "Where your body is has nothin' to do with where the heart is." He set his mug down and reached out, resting his hand on her cheek.

Heat crept up her neck into her cheeks; she was sure he could feel it. Looking up at him - which was really her only option at the moment; otherwise, her view would consist only of Jackson's abs, the sloping lines of his muscles where his pajama waistband lay - she smirked. "Mom and Dad were a bit unconventional. They taught us that sex doesn't equate to love and love isn't shown only with sex." Her mother might have put that differently; she had once told Oralia that sex was a wonderful physical activity between consenting adults. She had made it sound like it was nothing more than bowling or a game of football.

"That's true as far as it goes, but it's missin' somethin' that's pretty damned big and important. That belief's fine if you're unattached, but once feelings get into the mix expectations change, Oz. The other person then expects that sex and love to be more focused....on them. The game changes and goes from a team effort to a singles match. Somethin' that used to be freely available is now your very own and when ya can't trust that it is, things get hairy. It may be the 24th century, but the caveman was never really bred out of the male species and the word 'mine' comes with a lot of baggage for us." He studied her intently, her cheek warm against his hand, as the opposing winds of his emotions whipped at him.

Letting him study her, she paused and thought of all the reasons why she shouldn't be here. Connor topped the list; Jackson was right: she'd only end up ripping his heart out - both his and Connor's. Then there were also the unknown parties intent on making her stop doing her job. Setting her coffee aside, Oralia took his hand and kissed his palm. Standing, she put her hands around the back of his neck and leaned in as if to kiss him. "Jackson, I want to... but... I don't want to cause you pain. And that's all I have to offer you."

He sighed aloud, reached up to take hold of her wrists and lowered her arms. "As long as I've known you, Oz, there's little I wanted more than you. But things change, ya know? If I was sure Connor no longer figured in your life, then maybe, but it's obvious to me he still does. No matter how bull-headed you two are about ignorin' your problems. You talk to me so easy, why don't ya do that with him? Love ain't always a smooth road, to paraphrase Shakespeare, but ya can't run off and look for a quick lay when things get rough. I suppose that does solve it after a fashion by ripping it away but it doesn't leave ya better off."

Ouch. "Yeah, I know." Oralia stepped away from him. "I don't talk to you very easily. I mean, ...." She knew what she meant: she didn't have a problem talking to him because she wasn't in love with him. "Telling you I'm attracted to you, would adore a night with you... that stuff is easy," she smiled ruefully as she turned back to look at him. "The real stuff? The emotions? Not so easy."

"Why? There's so much to you Oz, and yer cheatin' yourself, and him, big time." He let out a slow breath and turned, resting his hands on the counter. He'd told her not long ago that he could only stand so much and he had reached his limit. What he'd wanted was right here but as he just said, things had changed. She still wasn't free.

Arguing with herself, she turned her coffee mug on the table. She really wanted to go touch Jackson, kiss his bare skin.... She wanted to be impulsive and just go for it. Normally, she would; normally, she wouldn't worry about hurting anyone (mostly because there was no one to hurt). Moving away from the breakfast table, she gathered her dress (found undergarments there, too) and retrieved her shoes. "Maybe, J...," she hesitated before continuing sadly, "...maybe next time, it'd be best if you drop me in sickbay," she said and started towards the door.

"No." His voice was ragged at the edges, threatening to unravel. "I'll always look out for you."

Nearly to the door, Oz paused, her shoulders dropping. It seemed that no matter what she did right now, either one man or the other would end up hurting. "And I, you, Jackson," she said, looking over her shoulder. "Thanks for last night," she added before slipping out the door.

The closing of his doors was the only sound and as it faded, the silence wrapped around him. It took a few minutes and finally the tension that gripped him began to unwind, little by little. He was grateful. Another minute of her presence and he'd have given in, taken what he'd wanted for so long.

And then regretted it for a long time to come.

He knew that was true, and for more reasons than the fear of being hurt when Oz eventually went home to Connor, as Jackson has no doubt she would. He paced his quarters like a restless tiger, then decided he had to get out before he lost his mind. And he knew just where to go.

*********

Jackson Banning V
Owner & Man Of Steel
The Nexus Club

LC Oralia Zeferino
A Babe In The Woods