Without You

Posted on Wed Apr 4th, 2012 @ 4:08pm by http://starbase900.info/index.php/personnel/character/23 & Commander Oralia Zeferino

Mission: Sections of the Delta Quadrant
Location: Connor's Quarters
Timeline: Somewhat Current

Tired and feeling out of sorts for several reasons, Oralia rubbed the back of her neck; the action reminded her, unnecessarily, of her lack of hair. It was growing back - already, there was a layer of dark stubble growing out. Even so, her confidence was shaken, more by the actual incident than by the loss of her hair.

As she headed for Connor's quarters - the quarters she thought of as his 'temporary residence' - she knew she was going to him for comfort. It was likely she'd ask him to move back 'home' with her and Iggy. Iggy.... Where was the spider? With that thought rattling around her head, she pressed the door chime on Connor's door.

Sitting in the dark, Connor stared at the shadowed image of a bottle of scotch. His conversation with the Admiral rolled through his mind, and it took him a moment to realize his door was going off. Oralia..., he ran a stress hand over his mouth; he knew, he had been waiting. His emotions already running high, his heart began to beat hard against his chest. "Enter" he called and stood up, turning to face the door.

Blissfully unaware of anything that might be going on in Connor's head, Oralia breezed in and moved into his personal space quickly. She leaned into him and smiled up at him. Without giving him a chance to pull back, she put her fingers in his hair and said, "I'm glad you didn't follow my stylist's example."

With affection and sadness in his eyes, he stared back down at her. "I didn't want you going through it...", he hesitated, his voice wavering as he finished, "..alone." He put his arms around her, holding her tightly to him as he buried his face into her neck.

"It's okay, Connor," she pressed against him happily. Thinking that his concern was for her loss of her hair, she let him hold her for a long moment. Finally, she shifted slightly and said, "Hey, have you seen Iggy lately?"

Pulling himself away he placed his hands on her shoulders, his eyes surveying her, "I saw her this morning", he answered, his voice barely audible. "She's okay...she was tired, but okay."

Now she saw there was more on his mind than just her hair. "What happened?" She gently pushed and pulled him toward the couch. She wanted to twine about him, nestle into a cocoon of blankets and naked bodies, but his expression said that wasn't going to happen. Something was wrong.

Allowing her to push him down into the cushions, Connor struggled inside. As she sat down next to him, he leaned forward and pressed his hands together. He had thought telling the Admiral was difficult... doing that didn't compare to telling Oralia.

"Hey, come on, we talked about this: we have to talk. Neither of us is Betazoid." Oralia didn't really want to hear it, but it was bothering Connor... whatever it was.

"I resigned my commission," he murmured, then placed a hand over his mouth as he looked down to the floor.

Oralia paused for a long moment during which she looked up at the ceiling, then at her hands and finally at Connor. She frowned and her brows drew together. "You what? I must not have heard that correctly; it sounded like you said you resigned your commission?"

He nodded, pulling his hand away from his mouth, "That's what I said," and swallowed hard, "I'm no longer in Starfleet."

Without a word, Oralia got up and walked out of the quarters. Half a second after the door closed behind her, she turned and rang the door chime and ignored the look she was getting from her minion stationed at the door. When Connor hit the button to open the door, she came back in and, full of fire and confusion, stammered, "Wha...? Don't...? Wh...?," she paused, choking on the rush of words that her brain wanted to put out. "Do you think you could have talked to me first?"

When she walked out, his heart had fallen, and now he found it hard to breath. His eyes filled with emotion; he looked so intense. "Yeah I should have," he admitted, standing there now in the middle of the room.

Striding to the bedroom door and back, Oralia wrestled with her temper, only to realize she wasn't actually angry: she was stunned, astounded, flabbergasted, but not necessarily irate. They weren't married; it wasn't like their lives were so entwined that having him be a civilian would cause problems. Having him be a civilian might actually help - this way, if she was transferred to a ship, he could, in theory, go with her. "So... what's the thinking there, Connor? Are you going home to Earth?", her tone was soft and confused.

"Without you?" he shook his head, "No. But I need some time to think...."

"Ok," she nodded, not quite understanding but letting the matter lie. She was simply relieved that he wasn't heading to Earth. "Should I ask you to move back in with me or does 'time to think' preclude moving back in with me?"

This was where it all became more difficult. Standing nearly sideways from where she was, his eyes had been following her. His gaze remained locked on her. "No.." he suddenly turned away, running a stressed hand over his head, and then forced himself back to her, "It only delays it. Oralia, I need to get away for a while, to figure things out. I 'can't' do it here..."

Again, she answered, "Okay," though, really, it wasn't. She didn't understand, couldn't fathom resigning her own commission, couldn't wrap her head around why he would... but then, she wasn't the one with OCD. "What is 'it'? What do you have to do? Are you in some sort of trouble?" Had he been threatened the way she had been? The thought chilled her.

He continued to stare at her, and then mouthed 'no' as he looked downwards. His eyes suddenly teared up, he wasn't in the sort of trouble she was thinking, but he wasn't okay, and he knew it. "Ummm," he pressed his hand to his eyes, pulled it away as he looked up blinking the tears back. He was going to break her heart and he didn't want to do it. "You won't see me for a while," he said.

A flash of pink tongue showed as she licked her bottom lip then bit it, turning it momentarily white. She was surprised she had her temper so well in check, and though her heart nearly stopped and her stomach sank, she simply stared back at him and asked, "Where are you going?" Her voice trembled.

An involuntary tremor ran through him at the sound of her voice. He wanted to hold her, assure her everything would be okay, but he held back for this was difficult enough. His hands went into his pockets, "I'm going on a walkabout," he answered, his own voice trembling with emotion, "I'm going to ramble through the civilian sections of the station."

Knowing the station the way she did, Oralia wasn't thrilled with that idea. However: grown man with his own ideas; she didn't have any right to tell him he couldn't do as he pleased. "You can't do that! Do you know what those areas are like? You'll have a security tail the entire time you're down there," she proclaimed.

"No," he shook his head adamantly, "I need you to call them off. I can't have them following me all around and about."

Just as adamantly, she shook her head, "No! I can't have you wandering 'around and about' alone!"

His eyes widened and he took a step towards her, "I have to do this alone! Oralia," he pulled a hand out of his pocket and indicated towards the door where a security guard was now stationed, "I can't have them following me around my whole bloody life!"

And she couldn't continue to justify having a guard on him. She frowned and tried to find a compromise. She thought of two: one, he stayed put, lived with her, didn't go on this walkabout; two.... "Fine, then take Iggy along."

"Crikey...", he turned around exasperated.

"From what I understand, she's quite the little traveler. Reports of her scaring the bejesus out of civilians and Starfleet alike filter in from all over the station." With a companion like Iggy, Oralia certainly wouldn't need to worry about Connor being targeted by the "wrong" people. Very likely, even the 'right' people would be scared off by the large spider's presence.

"No..," he could hardly believe she was serious. "Iggy's not coming with me," and feeling like this could only end badly, he went into his bedroom, to his bed where a backpack had been tossed. A few items waiting to be packed into it laid around it, where he just stood and stared at it for a quick moment, the events of the day suddenly hitting him full force and he sat on the edge of the bed. He placed both his hands behind his neck as he hung his head.

She followed him into the bedroom and stopped when she saw the backpack on the bed. Had he intended to leave before telling her? This visit hadn't been planned; he hadn't known she could return so soon. The idea crushed her and she did what she did best: retreated emotionally. "I see. You know what's best for you, Connor. I'll leave you to it," she managed to say, taking a step back towards the living area.

His head snapped up at the tone of her voice, and he raced towards her, grabbing her arms to pull her to him, "What is it you think you see?" he implored her.

Tears crowded her vision. "That you're leaving. That you were ready to leave without even telling me, weren't you?" Her gaze went to the offending backpack. "Again."

"No," he said, "you're wrong." His own eyes were filling up, "I was waiting for you...don't.." she twisted to pull away and he pulled her right back, his eyes grabbing hold of hers, "...allow yourself to believe otherwise. I'm not leaving you!"

"It seems that you are, Connor," she was starting to cry now, and hated it. She sniffled and swiped at tears. "You said I wouldn't see you for 'a while'. How long is a while? Where will you be? What are you going to be doing?"

He put his arms around her, bending his head to hers, "Finding myself," he answered, holding onto her tightly. "I don't know how long it's going to take. I'll be doing a lot of walking, and I won't stay in one place very long. But I'll contact you, I promise."

"I'll hold you to that. Or else I'll sic Iggy on you," she mumbled into his chest.

"Okay," he whispered, and then his hand came up to caress one side of her face as he pulled back just enough to kiss her, a soft and lingering kiss, and when he pulled back again to gaze into her eyes, his brows came together. "I'm not trying to hurt you, Oralia, I'm just so confused right now."

"That makes two of us, luv," Oralia whispered. Anything else she might have said was cut off by her commbadge chirping and Gilroy's gruff voice: "Commander, there's been an incident on the planet. You might want to come back down."

To Connor, Oz said, "Duty calls."

He nodded, letting go of her, stepping back with an intense and sad look in his eyes, for when she returned, he would be gone.

*********

Lt. Commander Oralia Zeferino
Chief Security Officer

Doctor Connor McKinney
Former CMO